It' wonderufl that you are reaching out for help! by: Dana76
I'm afraid I can't offer you much in ways of advice but I can offer you support through a girls point of view on this.
My boyfriend and I have been in our serious relationship for 5 years now. He always made me believe that his life would be incomplete without me, regardless of the fact that I come with a lot of emotional baggage attached.
I've never in my life felt more like a princess. If I want something and he can't afford it, he will MAKE it for me! I was lead to believe I was his entire world and imagining us apart for any reason only was real in my infrequent nightmares.
He isn't the cheating type and in fact the thought of other people cheating on each other hurts him deeply.
Now to the point of why I am telling you this. Almost a month ago he went on his annual buddy camping trip (which I won't go to because there is drinking and I am a recovering acoholic).
He came home exhausted of course but also he was extremely distant. No cuddly hugs no constant "I love you"s. I was terrified.
And when the kids went to bed he told me why. He has met another girl that make him feel good about himself and made him feel no so lonely when all of his other buddies had their chicks with except him.
So they kissed. Yes, just kissed. The heartbreak is far deeper then him just sharing a kiss with another woman.
It ended up being a cruel EYE OPENER, a slap into reality. Where once thought we could possibly be soul mates What we have regardless of the fairy tale I THOUGHT we had, makes this relationship worth a second chance and ONLY a second chance.
My point in saying this is a point of many. If you are desiring other people against your will, it isn't your fault. You have quite possibly fallen out of love without anyone having to do something "terribly wrong" first.
We are human feelings with human imperfect feelings. Our feelings and emotions should guide us not rule us. I say you are doing the right thing by attempting marriage counseling first.
If that doesn't help or make your desires to stray go away then perhaps you two aren't designed to be together for ever.
Under those circumstances it is unfair to both you and your wife to stay together because you feel you HAVE to.
If you continue to do so while resenting it deep down, you two will grow further apart and worse things will happen down the road.
And as I write these I too, need to take the same hard look at my relationship with this man who I believed to be my soul mate.
He says if I take me away from him, I am taking all that he lives for. It will take some major counseling and realistic thinking on my part to believe he won't do this to me again.
My heart goes out to you. My boyfriend, too, has turned to the internet to find out why he did it and how can he prevent it from happening again. That is a heartfelt task that you are doing and you deserve all the support you get.
