Blue Boy - "Does it ever work out with adulterers?"

by Doug
(El paso, TX united states)

Why are so many cops divorced?

When I first joined the force I always pondered that urban myth and figured out that it is no myth. I googled stats and found that approx. 80% of police officers have had at least one divorce. Answers as to why could fill a book, so I won't even go there. All I can do is tell my story.

I chose this site because I have not confided my infidelity to any other living soul. Maybe I feel guilty, or just need to unload, or want to know that I'm not the only one who has gone through this. In any case here is my story. I know that I deserve all the slings and arrows that come with it.

I have been having an affair with another woman for the past 7 months. We are coworkers and she had just been divorced for 6 months prior to our affair.

She is also 12 years younger. It started out like every other work affair. We started off as coworkers then became friends.

We started flirting and then when I was absolutely sure she was into me did I ask "is this gonna happen or not?".

She knew what I was talking about and we setup some ground rules. Just physical and no hurt feelings. Either person could call it off at anytime. The next thing you know we had sex.

Not that this is any excuse for what I did, but here is some background. I have been married for 9 years. We have no children. I was involved in a shooting 3 years ago and frankly it has changed me. Or so my wife said. I've become more dark and cynical and virtually nonemotional.

I've been to counseling for it and frankly all the counselors do is preach forgiveness. For what this man did, there is no forgiveness.

At least from me. So basically I'm not the man my wife married as she has told me several times. I don't talk about work with my wife because if she knew what I did on a daily basis, she would worry herself to death.

Our sex life is virtually non existent and we have both tried different things to improve it with no avail. Like I said, these are not excuses for why I cheated.

Now about the OW. She is younger and very attractive. But more importantly she can listen and understand what I go through on a daily basis and vice versa. We always have fun together and were immediately attracted to each other since the first day we met.

We talked and talked endlessly for the first couple of weeks. Then it turned to flirting. Then I let it go too far and it became serious talk about having sex.

The first nite togrther i was so nervous and the first thought that came into my head when the door shut was Run! But I didn't. We just made out to test the waters.

I guess a bite at that apple was all it took because the next nite together we went all the way and it was intense.

Fast forward a month and we were even closer than before. We decided that feelings were starting to form so we broke it off for a month.

We still saw each other at work and talked about everything. We both decided that we still wanted each other.

Fast forward 6 months and we are still seeing each other. We broke all of our rules and are in love with each other. I have given it much thought and soul searching, it's not a fling, we both care about one another deeply.

I guess what I want out of this forum is advice from someone who's been there. Does it ever work out with adulterers?

We have talked about the future and are both uncertain. I have not had the fortitude (or morals) to tell my wife.

It would devastate her. I know, I should of thought of that before starting an affair. Is there light at the end of the tunnel or did I create my own nightmare?