Emotional Affairs Is Cheating - "I'm in a lesbian marriage and we've been together for years"
(Nunya, CA, USA)
Relationships are built on TRUST!
I'm in a lesbian marriage and we've been together for years. My wife says she wasn't ready to settle down and marry when she did.
She now says she felt pressured or forced to marry. She was never forced and it was her choice.
She and I were committed and serious and she wanted to raise kids with me. I wanted to talk about marriage.
So we agreed to evaluate the relationship and she said there was nobody but me she wanted to have a relationship and grow old with.
With that, we got married. It was great for a couple of years. But then I noticed her attitude got nasty and she was being verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.
I was constantly sad. She acted unhappy no matter what I did for her. I wasn't abusive to her, I never cheated on her, nor would I entertain that.
I helped provide her with a nice home, nice things, I cooked for her, got her lunch, breakfast in bed.
I catered to her every sexual desire and she never complained about the bedroom. Sex was not an issue. We have an age difference and also how we we both grew up.
And one day she came home from work and I noticed she was talking a lot about another female coworker.
More and more often she was returning from work talking about this coworker. I asked my wife why she talked about her THAT much and she acted like I was being a ridiculously jealous wife.
But I did not feel that way at all. My spider senses were tingling. Then there were the typical signs:
My wife was wearing more dresses and heels and makeup and her hair down when she went to work. I was packing her lunches and preparing her clothes.
She was spraying on new perfumes and dressing up to go to work. I put romantic letters of 'I love you' in with her lunch.
Then I noticed she wasn't calling me at the same break times. When she did, she often rushed the conversation.
She was also refusing to let me see or hold her cell phone! I knew something was up. When I would ask her, she denied anything and said I was being "paranoid."
Still, I knew better. A person knows something is up when you live with someone. She was buying cards for this other young woman and refusing to let me see the cards or what she would write in them.
She even hid them in her car under the seat. I read them anyway. I also saw what was in her cell phone.
I was able to log onto the cell phone website and see how often they texted each other. When I asked if they were talking and texting, she admitted it, but told me I was being intrusive and unreasonable.
But the truth was, the love of my life was lying to me while developing a crush on her coworker, and pursuing the crush. My wife was buying her gifts and cards instead of thinking of our relationship, our future, my feelings, or anything respectful.
I don't know how she could look at herself. I'd ask her if they had texted that day and she lied and said no.
I had already seen for myself in the log records for the phone. She was deleting all of their texts.
I also discovered that my wife created a
secret email address to message this coworker. It broke my heart. It really did. She was my heart. My world.
I had done everything to be good to her and not be like all the skanks she had known. But she didn't seem to appreciate it, I guess. She felt she was owed something in life and I stood in her way.
I just wanted to be loved and appreciated. I thought I had it. Now I didn't know who she was or what I had.
I felt as if someone had entered my life, turned it upside down and nothing was the same as what I was used to.
Everything I loved was changing and I hated the changes. I ended up seeing this coworker, but she was too cowardly to speak to me.
My wife kissed this coworker a couple of times and she admitted it to me. My wife had even put the cell phone under her pillow so I wouldn't see it.
She hung up on me if she got a text and acted like we got disconnected. Another time, I took her to dinner at her favorite restaurant, she dressed up and insisted I take photos of her in her new outfit.
She sent those pics in texts to the coworker. After our meal, she left me home and snuck off to see the coworker.
They had been sneaking texts while I was at dinner with my wife. I guess they had it planned to talk. My wife wanted to have sex with the coworker, but she was rejected.
My wife confessed. I guess she expected me to accept it and move on since she was honest enough to tell me.
But I still felt seriously hurt. She never understood this and said it's not as bad as having sex.
BUT TO ME IT IS. She TRIED to. And the way I see it - DON'T CHEAT ON SOMEONE UNLESS THEY ARE CHEATING ON YOU.
And I sure wasn't. For a good year my wife kept lying to me about whether she was talking to her coworker.
I heard plenty of LIES. And while I am happy they did not have sex, I know they kissed, and I know my wife had feelings for her and I know the other girl does not think my wife was "wrong."
The girl told my wife that it was just a human intinct to do what she did because of the aattraction.
Just WAIT until she makes a commitment with someone and invests her LIFE with someone. She has a lot to learn about love and commitments. And when someone you love and trust betrays you, it is devastating.
And I tell you that the ONLY WAY to resolve this is to cut OFF ALL TIES with the person you cheated with.
You cannot ever call that person again once you end the affair. Just go home to your spouse, kiss their butt and NEVER give them any reason to think you are cheating.
Let them read your emails and see your cell phone. Don't have secrets. Don't come home late. No more secrets.
Call your spouse when you go to lunch or breaks. And DO NOT give the other person you cheated with parting gifts like jewelry and cards.
Don't give the third person a ring or something personal. That happened to me and I am trying like hell to get over what my wife put me through.