Cant_Win

by John
(NC)

My wife and I have been married for 14 years. 6 months ago, she told me she was unhappy with the way things were going.

She had started a new job 4 months earlier. She was a stay at home mother for 13 1/2 years prior.

I found text messages on her phone from a co-worker asking her to come over to his house, I confronted her and she become ill because I went through her phone.

She said he was a young guy and just got an apartment and was asking everyone to come by.

This was August '08. The next thing I found was an email from someone asking her to come to his house to smoke pot.

This was October '08. She smokes occasionally, but I have not since being a teenager. She says she never saw the voice mail and said he had the wrong impression.

The next time I found text messages to another guy and this was last weekend, 1/10/09. I confronted her again and she became totally pissed that I went through her phone again.

I also find where she has talked to another man, twice for 30 minutes. She complains that she hates to be on the phone.

Am I wrong? Should I trust that these are just friendships? She now wants to separate from each other to see if we can fix our marriage, start over and begin dating again.

I have been going to counseling for 2 months now and she won't go. The people I thought I could confide in, tell her what we discussed, so I really have no-one to talk to at this time.

I am distraught and have no idea what I should do next. I have been looking on the internet for a spy ware program to put on her phone to transmit all text messages so that I can truly see if I should be working on a failed marriage or life as a single father with three children.

I am looking for help, comfort and someone to lean on who may be going through the same thing.