Confused over his affair

by Becky
(UK)

I want opinions on whether you think this is an affair or not. Husband has mentored a younger, single female at work for the past 6 years.

In the last 2 years he has lent her money, see's her frequently,he went to extreme measures to hide his cell phone, socializes a lot with her.

I have suspected that more is going on and he always denies it saying that she is his best friend.

He has accepted eventually that he spends too much time with her but he says he is not attracted to her in any way (she is a very attractive woman).

Things came to a head a month or so back when someone emailed photos of them together arm in arm, they were also seen laughing and giggling together, and he lied to me about what time he arrived home, which was not the first time. he said that he was supporting her up as she was drunk and liable to fall over!.

After months of arguing he has agreed not to see her so much, he wants to repair the damage he has done.

He says he feels guilty now knowing how I have felt over his behaviour and wants to make it all okay but will not do a Lie Detector test as he is "shy" and he will find it so humiliating and that I should just believe him that she means nothing to him in a sexual way, although he likes her company.

There have been many more things over time but would all take to long to explain. He has never stopped making love to me, if anything he wants sex more, he has become even more attentive to me since I first confronted him over this about 6 months ago, but to me that is just guilt.

Incidentally he told me she has started dating someone now? but I feel he just says things like that to put me off the scent.

I just get so confused about the lies, although he always denies lying to me. What shall I do next? we have 3 children and been married 19 years.