Considering Suicide

by Jen
(St Louis)

He is a stand up comedian and I am a personal trainer. our schedules are heavy and I was working as much as possible because my son's father ( my son was 5 at the time) inexplicably stoppedpaying support leaving me with a heavier burder.

Because my SO was getting his comedy career off the ground I pay all the bills. He met an old fling at a show and cheated. he then messaged her and used the cheating as part of his myspace blog to publicly humiliate me. The thing is, hes the only father my son has had so I would be destroying my sons happiness as I know what it is to grow up without a father.

Now, 3 mos later, supposedly he has stopped and feels remorse, I doubt it. I cant stand him touching me. I am constantly suspicious. He has ruined my self esteem because he cheated with a disgusting obese woman and I am a former Ms Fitness Missouri competitor. I feel like i did everyhting right, I paid bills, encouraged his career, kept myself looking good, but he still went ahead and did this to me.

After this long it still eats me alive. I cant live like this. I cant stand to look in the mirror. I have stopped my modeling career. I feel like i am just aplace for him to live rent free.

I feel devalued and while i am the wronged party if i break up the relationship the repurcussions fall on me.

I dont want to get up anymore