I Caught My Wife Cheating After 11 Years of Marriage – Now What?

I caught my wife cheating on me after 11 years of marriage. I know over the years the passion in our marriage has not been there, but I would have never thought she would do this to me.


I came home early one day from work and saw the computer on in our study. It is always off when my wife is not using it. I found it strange so I went in and started browsing around. I almost didn’t notice it, but one of the tabs at the bottom of the screen was an email tab.

To my surprise, when I clicked on it, it took me to her inbox. I don’t know what made me do it, but I started going through the different folders and in her sent box is where I discovered that she had been cheating on me.

It makes me nauseous to think of what took place, but to make a long story short, she has been seeing someone from her job for quite a while now. I caught my wife cheating by accident, but it was as if I was supposed to do everything that I did that day.

Reading some of my wife’s words to this man makes me want to jump off a cliff. I feel so weak as a man and don’t know what to do. I confronted my wife and we went through the whole ordeal in which she initially tried to lie, then tried to soften the blow, only to finally come clean about the situation.

She has insisted on her mom’s life, that the affair is over and that she told this man that she had to end it and wanted nothing else to do with him. I have my doubts because they still work together. She has been trying everything in her power to make it easier for me to trust her but I just don’t know…

I don’t know where we are now, we are still together trying to work through it but I feel numb right now in our relationship.

My faith tells me that I caught my wife cheating for a reason, but my brain just can’t figure it out.

Please I need to hear from anyone that may have gone through something similar or is going through something like this.

Comments for I Caught My Wife Cheating After 11 Years of Marriage – Now What?

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Not repairable
by: Anonymous

Seriously, when do you think you will ever be able to trust her again? The answer is "never". What good is a marriage without trust? A marriage is like a work of precious art. Your wife has scarred it, chipped it, ripped it whatever and it's no longer what it was. Try as you may, it will never ever be the same. What was once yours is not yours anymore. She gave it away. So think about what she may have given to this other person. She's been used. Will you ever want to kiss her knowing what she probably did in satisfying her lover? Will she ever tell you the truth about how you compare as a lover? And will you ever not think about that for the rest of your life? This is not repairable. You're a fool if you think it is. Your wife is a whore. She doesn't deserve you.

Been there, done that.
by: Anonymous

I caught my wife the same way. The advice of my father (God rest his soul), was leave now. I said I would give it 5 years to repair. She didn't stop. After 4 1/2 years I said I was done. She wanted to do counseling and all that after u said i was done. Nope, u had ur chance and refused before, now "I am done". One of the most difficult things I ever did. Kids were 8 and 11. She turned them against me like it was all my fault. I am now 50. My kids are 25 &23. They still have nothing to do with me. All I can say, their loss. I'm happily married again to someone I trust whole heartedly. Hang in there, all women r not cheaters. Just like all men aren't.

God works in strange ways at times.
by: Dutch

I can relate to your trust situation, but I want you to think a bit on what caused this. Did you meet all the needs she has that you actually could ? Women are not perfect and they do the same as men and make some really dumb decision. I am 82 yoa and a long time divorced, a couple of times. I never cheated, but I did make some mistakes, For one thing, I did not meet the emotional aspect she needed in our marriage. You have been married to this woman for 11 years. and I assume you love her. remember, Yes trust has to be regained, but you have to be understanding too, As an old retired police chief I myself would be a little for giving, may even have her change jobs, one thing for sure is I would go talk to her Mr wonderful and remind him you know what went on and it better stop now , When your wife leaves her employment she needs to tell the bosses why she is doing so, God bless you and her and hope all works out for you. hope no kids are involved . Remember all of this is what I would do, so it is up to you . but trust is earned, not just given

caught my wife cheatedafter 11 years of marriage-now what
by: Anonymous

now you know your wife cheated, what are you going to do, number one ,,you can stay with her ,,,two you can tell to leave,,, the best thing to do ,,call the other guy up ..tell him who you are and who he was see your wife,,,is he going to take care your soon to be ex-wife....oh if he married tell his wife too,,,

Kick her to the curb!
by: Anonymous

I personally would have kicked her out right after confronting. The TRUST is permanently gone, and it will eat at you inside. Save your sanity and dignity and kick her out. Change the locks while she is at work. Make her bring the police with her to get her things so things don't get out of hand. Also in the meantime get in touch with the best lawyer you can afford. Make sure she doesn't drain your bank accounts. Cancel all your joint credit cards, or report them stolen, stop paying for anything that involves her, Car insurance, life insurance, etc. Take control of your life back, and good luck to you.

betrayal aftermath
by: Anonymous

I was married for 17 years and found out that my wife (ex) cheated or all of them, numerous times. Thank God I did not get a STD. I was basically only good for raising her three children and supporting her. Now that I am divorced I find I have a trust issue with any and all women.

Cheating is deception
by: Magnus

Cheating has nothing to do with sex. Cheating is about deception. People deceive others in order to gain an advantage. She will use her cheating against you if you let her. She must take responsibility for her cheating and never see her boyfriend again, nor talk with him--so she has to quit her job or he must.

She most likely sees herself as a victim and will blame you for her cheating--this is a common thing for wives to do. And she will hate you and disparage you if you are weak in handling her cheating--this is serious stuff. You must insist on either of two things: a divorce or that the both of you work on your marriage. Most cheating wives go to marriage counseling only for show and have no intention of letting it help. Wives often tag their husbands in order to stall for time.

You have learned that your wife is not a good girl and likely never was, as that is just our society's image of wives. The good thing is that she should now know that she isn't, too, and that fact can be used to help her commit to the marriage. You both need to have a goal for your lives as a couple that creates an important reason to stay together and a new relationship that fosters mutual growth and fulfillment.

The mindset of an individual who gives a partial commitment is, "I hope," or "I’ll try." The mindset of an individual who gives a full commitment is, "I will." You need to share with her what you truly need, and she needs to be totally honest with you about her needs, too.



Drop her
by: Anonymous

Dude, if your wife is caught cheating on you, drop her immediately.

Same postion
by: Andrew

My situation is the same. I just read my wife's text messages and she has been having an affair for months, longer maybe. We have been together 18 years and have too young daughters, aged 7 and 4. I have not discussed it with my wife yet. I am checking my legal and emotional and psychological
options. I want to be clear what I do, before taking steps, as I am certain I will face lies, and the same nonsense as you have had.

Never think you are naive in not suspecting what was happens. I have a doctorate in psychology, and years of training in detecting decite and lies, and while I suspected, my good nature and trust throw all those clues out of the window... So never think you could be to blame. Please note that social media, and all these tools make it easy for wife's to cheat, even in bed when you will be next to then and they say they are texting there mum or reading the new on the iPad, but they could be sending there new main a good new text: as I had the pain to see! What infidelity...

Like other readers, in a relationship, trust is critical. I value it above must things. I always saw it as our family can stand up to anything the world threw at us, I just did not expect the wife to be the enemy. So we will see, if it was not for the girls, we would be going down the separation route, I have no hesitation. Cheating is a flaw In personality, all sorts of excuses are made up for this, but where kids are concerned, neither the wife or the nice new f-buddy should be interfering with children's upbringing, and having an affair is attacking this and my children's future happiness, as we risk separation and divorce. Children will be scared for life. What a pity, just so the wife can be happier, more content, be getting that extra attention... What trash. Women grow up expecting too much from marriage, it is work, all relationships are, and taking an easy route by sleeping around makes me sad. What a waste. So I wish you good luck, make the right decision for you. You sound a wise man and a caring person, and often this happens to the nicest of people. I am readying that us men are more and more in this position. What a pity. Not only are we trying our best as husbands to be providers for family, and do all we can do, now we have to keep an eye out for cheeting and disloyal behaviour in our wife's...makes a mockery for th marriage vows. Againg, good luck, make the right decision for you and only take these comments for what help they can give you, everyone is different, and you need to do good for you and your family.

Andrew

affairs
by: Anonymous

my wife cheated on me starting while I was in the hospital being treated for cancer of the bone. While I was concerned for her and our children she had already found a new love. When she told me she had a new love and would never love me again, I took my 45 cal and confronted him with her and his wife. I did not kill him but as I am writing this 54 years later, I wish I had. I even went looking for him years later with the intent of killing him but could not find him. He is now dead of natural causes. My wife and I are still together and she has cheated more than once. I decided if she could do it I could too and I have had many women and affairs. I loved her completely and if she had not cheated I would not have. Once the trust is gone it can never be recovered. If I didn't have children I would have been gone in a heartbeat. We have now been married for 63 years but I have not forgot the pain and never will.

always to the point
by: silvercircles

You did nothing wrong from your information. firstly do not beat yourself up. Secondly, what most men do not realize women are far more sexual and sexually oriented, we as men do not even come close. A decent looking women is constantly being hit on. It just takes the right circumstance and/or the right male for her to respond. Having said that, remove the temptation and do not let her be exposed to any down the road, such as girls night out to a bar (especially with a dance floor).Out for supper is fine at a restaurant(no excuse for being away late or long). Now what you MUST do is INSIST that she quits her job. No matter what excuses she comes up with not to or won't. THE AFFAIR IS NOT OVER. If she quits you will still have to account for her where abouts from now on..This experienced information is from watching/living life for 70 years. NOTE; after the first time, the next times the cheating becomes progressively easier and will become harder for you to discover.

Final time
by: Anonymous

In 2013 I came home from three year5s of rehab after suffering MRSA in my spine three years before, My wife refused me sex for decades saying if I was allowed to have the first thing in my life I wanted then cooperation with e4veryone was out the window for me, I would start taking what was mine without any bodies say in it.
She is right. When I came home and found she had been having sex with another man, I wanted her to go away with him, He was married also, and did not want to loose his family. I said when he said he was married he would not be to much longer so take my wife away so I could have something in mine, even if it was a rent a wife, (hooker is the other term.
He was saying as I struggled past them watch this it will tell him he just can't open his trap for this and swept my cane, putting me on the floor, he then started laughing and called me a pathtic looser. He went out of my house with a fractured scull, both sides of his face shattered. his nose broken a couple of places one eye socket shattered, I was hauled of to a stress center in cuffs.
Two weeks later the center was sending me home, the day was -40 outside and when my father was called to come get me he suggested that putting me out the door without a cane, no shoe laces. a very light jacket, no gloves or hat as a character builder to tell me I was never to do what I did to my wife's affair partner because he was socially more superior, it would tell me that I was to shut up and do as I was told as always.
When I was taken home by insurance taxi, I found my wife getting ready to go with my mother, father and his best friend to a political fund raiser, I put my foot down about every thing in my house. Ripped everything she had on off and told her since her and my father thought I could walk home in -40 degree weather, she could go wait nude on the curb in it for them to show up. Or the other choice was to submit to being my wife.
Not my fathers, his friends, her old boyfriends, but mine as the one that put everything in hers for 31 years without any return except her being a tramp. I gave her one second to decide or go, She pleaded and begged me to pick a place to meet after the event, She acted like handing me a hundred of my own money like she was doing me some great favor and she said We can sit, get all the grievances I had on the table. and with your status of being crippled now decide what I would be allowed to start having in my life from vacations to holidays and even sex, she said it would take a few years to get things going but if I could just go into everything slowly something could be worked out. I refused and forced her into sex on the living room floor.
In my life now the only judge of what I am allowed is me, not my father, his friends, or my wife, If it involved what I earned, what I have rights to its my decision to what I am allowed. And I am willing to knock any ones teeth down their throat for any interference, in my life. By any one. From my wife on down they can rot in hell.

I'm a 14 year old male
by: A.S.

Cheating sucks. Dump the bitch. I'm very lonely.

Cheating wife
by: Anonymous

Read many of these stories , sad but real life experiences for sure. I also realize it goes both ways with women and men as well. Being a man I experienced after 16 years of marriage. Small child 8 years old.
I was in love but signs are evident when you look back. Unhappy didn't fight and ohh what a good cover up artist. Women are better with the coverup n deflection and we all seem to deny til the truth is evident or evidence. The hurt, the crying the tearing out of hearts .

I caught my ex becoming my own detective agent as we do. I didn't speak about it I just saw all signs. Sure it's an ego buster but I am a strong man as many should also be. A friend told me treat your divorce as a business leave all emotions out. I had a good divorce but I played the guilt game on her to a point not about the other man. Prior to marriage I never had a hard time finding a date or women so after the divorce I was back on track. I realize it's harder on some men or women. Focus it's not the end of the world. I dated and dated some sexy nice women but we all know it has some effects of our past going through a divorce but move on and don't talk about your ex .. Take care of your kids and act like the world is great no woman likes a man that whines be strong as there is light at the end if the tunnel as said.
I could write a book on my ex during those 6 months but chose the higher road and dated women as she saw. She moved on n so did I .. I even continue having sex with my ex for a few months after the split.. She wanted it but it was a stage of splitting up. I took it til it became a mind bender then stopped saying to myself. Are you nuts man... Lessons always to Lear in life... Be strong and move on ... Life what you make it ..

Trust Is Gone Forever - Her Decision!
by: Anonymous

If your wife cheats on you, she has made a final decision to leave you, at the very least, emotionally. If she stays, it's only because she has no better place at the moment.
It also means that she doesn't care about you.
Of course, there is always the possibility that she has a personality disorder, like a Borderline Personality Disorder, which explains her behavior, but is worse news for you, since it would mean that she never loved you, and really doesn't have concerns for hurting you.
If you ask yourself the important question - could you ever trust her again - you will realize that you cannot, and don't need to continue your life being uncertain about the person you are supposed to be the closest to.
My advice is to end the marriage in divorce as soon as possible and to never see or speak to her again.
Her loss, your gain at this point! Good luck!

The first time is the hardest
by: Anonymous

Get the hell away from the slut! I too have been cheated on but unfortunately my long term girlfriend chose my best mate. That was extremely difficult and even now some 20 years later I have severe trust issues. I did get some satisfaction from the fact that she went on to cheat on him as well as another couple of boyfriends down the track! It seems that once she had done it once that she felt like she could do as she pleased. I know everyone is different as are relationships but to me if they've done it once they will find it easier to do it again. To you people that day show compassion etc to her, what compassion was she showing when she chose to spread her legs for another man?

What Is Marriage All About?
by: Anonymous

Ask yourself what is marriage all about? The answer is that it is about much more than love, trust, respect, honor. It is about our two most basic needs: Survival and Procreation. Marriage is about two people working as one to help each other survive in this world. This means sharing resources and skills as a team to increase the likelihood of continued existence. Secondly, marriage means procreation and working as a team to create a safe environment for your children. Of course, in order for a marriage to achieve survival and procreation love, trust, respect and honor are all necessary parts of the equation. Love allows you to give more than 50% when it is necessary for the partnership. Trust allows you to be aggressive in your pursuit for resources for your marriage and your offspring. Respect means that you can face each other every day and honor means that you can face yourself. Cheating by it's very definition destroys all the necessary components of a marriage. Some are destroyed immediately and others like love may die more slowly, but they will die. People who stay married after cheating are like those people that cannot let go of the dead and visit the grave every day. Mourn, let go, move on, survive! Take care of your children! Fulfill your destiny!

Honestly leave her
by: Anonymous

I think u should leave her here is the reasons why. You could never trust her again I dont care if it's 50 years later u will allways see that sent box were U found out she was cheating and also u will think she's lieing because she lied at first and u will allways try and get the truth thinking that she will come clean like she did at the end and it will eat at u thinking that she's lieing. I don't know there is just some reasons I think u should leave her I'm very sorry this happened to u. And I think cheating should be illegal. Hope u get over this god bless h

bye bye love
by: Lee Chandler

It's over, you don't need to put up with that. She needs to go with out anything.
P.S. makes me glad I never remarried.

Karma is a bitch!
by: Anonymous

Marriage or even great friendships are built on trust and respect. You first have to change yourself for the better, this will not be easy however, take it one day at a time and you can. You also need new boundaries and an improved level of communication with her. Allowing another man to have sex with her is never going to end in your best interest, only in your demise. Look at it like this, sex is very intimate communication and you are allowing her to experience the highest level of communication and trust of someone else. There is NO WAY that you are going to repair or even maintain a marriage by letting another dude bounce on your wife! Come clean with yourself first and let go of this type of behavior, or you will ultimately lose.

Concerned husband
by: Anonymous

While looking for my wife's cousin's phone number I found a strange man's phone number in her contacts she said it was someone she was going to use to put in new flooring; several days later his number was removed from her contacts. I also caught her lying about wanting to see an ex-boyfriend. What do you make of this?

same here
by: Anonymous

I caught my wife in a similar situation as you.
I was partly at fault I guess, I was in med school, putting in 16 hour days and encouraged her to make friends and fill her days with fun til I was out of school. I meant female friends,,,
guess she felt neglected and found a man friend,
treated her like crap and , so she says, the sex was terrible, 4 inch pencil dick that lasted 10 0erson to person call to his number for her. He ansered, said Uhm, yeah, hold on, and gave her the phone. When she answered,"Hello"? I said, "Hello,WIFE" Do you want a divorce? How long will it take for you to drive home? 20 minutes? do you need to get dressed first? No.
Ok, I'll call you at home in 25 minutes, if you don't answer I'll assume you are staying with him
and file for a divorce. She called me in 20 minutes, I hung up because I didn't know where she called from, no caller ID back then. Called her at home and she was extremely apologetic, 35 years and I still don't trust her,,. Consider that! My biggest regret was that we didn't go to counseling, or at least talk it through right away. 20 years later I had ptsd because of it, and now she won't talk, saying it was so far in the past, she has forgotten it, it didn't mean anything to her,,,bullshit, it meant everything to me. Guess what I am saying is, talk about it NOW, Air everything out, get counseling, or dump her.. Sorry you are going through this, but the worst thing you can do is ignore it, pretend like it didn't happen. You need to talk and work it out!

I know what your going through
by: Anonymous

my wife and I had been married 22 years,she was my high school sweetheart,i started dating her when she was a freshman and i was a senior so she said she thought i hung the moon,about 6 months after we dated we started having sex so she was a virgin when we did,we got married when she was 19 and i was 22,weve had 4 kids and in the back of my mind i was always so proud i was the only guy she had ever been with,but in 2010 it all changed,I came home early from work one day and went to the laptop and in the bottom corner was a email box so i clicked it,it was over 800 messages of her and a jackass from pennstlvania ,some of the messages made me feel like i was going to pass out,this was a woman i had been with for 26 years counting dating,she had been with him two months before we got married since she worked at a military base and he was in the army,i knew something was up when we were planning the wedding and i even asked her if there was another man and she said no,we got married and 22 years later she decided she wanted to start her own buissiness,sinse she hadnt had to work for the past 19 years,i made enough for her to stay home and raise our kids.6 months pryor to me finding the emails she had went to colorado to meet with a company on her idea,so i thought till i read one of the emails,the guy she worked with 22 years ago had contacted her on facebook 9 months earlier and had a hunting trip to colorado so she fooled me,we are still together but only because of a 10 year old daughter that i love so dearly that doesnt know this,i will never trust her again till we die.but you dont share a life now 29 years and walk away or at least i cant.i love her so much

cheating wife caught after 2 Weeks at new job
by: Anonymous

So I caught my wife having a affair.first time she didn't come home she said she fell asleep in her car at work. I knew right off the bat that was a lie. so three days later she did it again. didn't come home. then a few days later I finally got out of her some information. but she tells me all they did was make out both times. she said she stop both times and said this isn't right. then why would you go back for a second time.

Bright side and forgiveness
by: Anonymous

love stings somtimes. If you love her tell her what you are feeling mad sad angery very hurt .Tell her if she could forgive you if you had done this to her.Tell her you never stopped loving her .maybe not showing it sometimes?Talk about the love you both shared with each other when dating.look at the bright side make up sex for the rest of your life!

Tag Team Her
by: Anonymous

Dude you have the perfect wife. Include other guys and girls and enjoy the sex. She is obviously a slut and needs more than you have to offer. You need to watch while another guy is making her c*m

A woman's point of view about cheating
by: Anonymous

Wow,in reading all the posts here...men actually seem a lot less forgiving about an affair than women.
My husband and I have been going thru the same thing. I recently found out that he had cheated on me 4 years into our 24 year marriage. Why he confessed, I have no idea. As much as it hurts like hell and I am feeling all the anger and betrayal that you would expect. I am also feeling much more hopeful. We have been having the most raw and honest communications of our entire marriage. We both realized that we contributed to the mess and now are trying to figure out how to put it all back together. Don't let your "Manly Pride" get in the way. Be completely open, honest and vulnerable. Demand the same from her. If you are truly committed to getting this marriage back on track, keep at it.
Don't start an open marriage until you are 100% A-Okay with where you are now. Hey, an open marriage may be just the ticket..but until you are able to truly be open and honest, it's just going to eventually destroy you both.
Good luck to you both.

not sure either
by: JP

D day was 3 weeks ago when she finally fessed up to an affair that was 2 years ago. I had some clues, through her guilt she said some things that made me suspicious, but when she finally told me everything it was WAY worse then I had imagined.

i love my wife dearly, we always had a passionate and loving relationship, it just didn't seem possible that she would cheat. But she did, and that makes it all the worse because I know i will never be able to trust her again. I know she is capable of lying in a way that is so convincing that anything she says now is suspicious.

We have children, and our youngest is 7, and I don't want to see them go through the pain of divorce. Other then this one indiscretion, we have had a terrific relationship.

I finally came to terms with this by telling her that if she needed to have sex with other men to feel good about herself, then i would like to be a part of that and watch. I know, it's pretty far out there but I have come to like the kinky idea of it all.

I also told her that I needed to get even, so, I told her that we should get a call girl and that she should watch me do it. I even told her that I needed to do it twice (the same amount of times she did it with her lover). That sounded fair to me.

She has reluctantly agreed to the getting even part, and i think she is turned on by the scenario of her sleeping with another man while i watch.

Anyway, everytime we go down that track, we just seem to get closer and more passionate about each other. I know it sounds really screwed up, but I actually think we might improve our marriage this way. I really think the big thing is the trust issue, not the sex. So if we are in the open about it, it's not really cheating and I think neither of us would ever have the urge to do that without other.

Anyway, we've started counseling, and this hasn't come up yet. it probably never will as the analyst only wants to deal with her and ignores the hurt and pain I'm going through. I think i can get past everything eventually but the trust issue, and that's a show-stopper for me. My thought is if we have some control over what is happening to fulfill her desires, and everyone is on board, that it could actually enhance our trust level as well as our relationship.

So, I'm sure i'm going to get lambasted for this one. Keep in mind I'm in my late 40s and she is in her early 40's and we have been married for 10 years; were not some 20 year olds that haven't got a clue about life yet. We are upper middle class, professional, educated, successful people who are going through a tough patch. If you are not a like kind, then I'd rather not hear your remarks they would just be noise. I fully expect to get past this someday, I'm too strong to let this beat me or let it destroy what we have.

Cheated as well - "recently I caught my husband having sex with our friend in our house"
by: Anonymous

I can very well understand your agony and confusion. Either to Take her again or just walk away.

I am married to my husband nearly eight yrs, until recently I caught my husband having sex with our friend in our house.

This is the most shocking, the most painful incident. You just cant imagine how I was able to go thru day to day.

Only God will help you go through this. Call Him and ask guidance. He will guide you to what is best for you.

Be agressive.
by: Anonymous

Get the guy fired.

Find everything you can about him and then unleash the dogs. Sign him up for the raunchiest porn mailing lists you can find with his office email.

Have drugs delivered to him from Canada (paid for with a prepaid anonymous debit card).

Find out his boss's email address and have porno sent in your rival's name to him. The more shocking the better.

Sign him up for every job search mailing list you can find and have them sent to his email address.

Hire some woman to phone him constantly and be abusive to the receptionist or anyone else who answers the phone.

These are a few examples. I'm sure you can think of others. Be creative. Take no prisoners. He is the enemy.

Don't say a word to anyone. Revenge is best served cold.

Meanwhile, work on rebuilding your relationship with your wife. Find out what she has been missing and then do your level best to give it to her.

Deep down she wanted to be caught or she would not have been so sloppy as to leave the email program open for you to find. It looks intentional in my opinion (and trust me I have plenty of experience in keeping these things hidden). A bit of a cry for help. Take that as a gift and rather than whine about the situation accept some responsibility and work through the problems with her.

I guarantee you that she wants you to.

Hire a competent therapist and be honest with each other in counseling.


all the same
by: Anonymous

how do know when its over? the one only person i trusted for 17 years of marriage has betrayed me.it feels swallowing broken glass intense therapy or divorce both hurt

Me too - "but I am willing to go home but she has a list of demands she will have to follow. Am I wrong?"
by: Anonymous

I caught my wife cheating today. We were sitting on the couch and I looked over and saw her texting. I also saw his name on top of the screen. I got curious, and remembered an app in cydia that steals SMS from another phone. Didn't find to much evidence there so I ssh'ed into her phone and took out the SMS.db file. Found a program to open that and through all the garble I found entries of them telling each other they loved each other. When confronted she admitted it I mean I showed her the evidence. She claims to love us both and doesn't want to lose either of us. That don't work for me. So I left. I told her if she wants me back to end all contact with him and I get full rein of Facebook, email, her phone and I will bug it to intercept all calls and messages. I realize after 10 years of marriage the spark has dimmed and I am also to blame but I am willing to go home but she has a list of demands she will have to follow. Am I wrong?

BIG TROUBLE NOW
by: boomer

after i caught my wife, she filed for divorce and told me she is going to go for my throat

Test your ceating wife.
by: Anonymous

You ask what to do, knowning your wife still works at the same place as the man she cheated with.
THE FIRST thing I would DEMAND, is that she QUIT HER JOB, and apply for a similar job elsewhere.
She should not be so near to this guy, that will always create doubts in your mind.
Also
if she refuses to quit, well.... there must be a reason why she wants to remain in that place of work, other than the work !

Wife cheated, caught her again!
by: Anonymous

I found out my wife was having an affair Nov. 2009. I put a gps tracking unit in her car. Dec 8, 2012 her car was at his house for 2 hrs thereby breaking the number 1 rule in saving a marriage after an affair. I rented a storage unit and started slowly moving my stuff out a day at a time. I confronted her Dec. 26 and she said she didn't do anything except talk. She also said she needed to get some of her things from his house but she also told me that in April 2010. I told her I really don't care anymore and I moved out. 24 years of marriage and I'm on the home stretch of being done with this cheating liar. Sad, but I really do miss her sometimes but I'm not going to be made a fool of by her again. Kicking myself for not dumping her the 1st time in 2009 but we had a kid still in high school at the time.

Leave her now
by: Anonymous

Leave her. make this thumb rule


Sorry to hear
by: Anonymous

Hey sorry to hear that the issue could be that she was not happy with u u couldn't fullfill her needs sexualy so she found a man who cud or that she just got tired of the same old same old either way its not right if u have kids I'd advise u too get dna test if she cheated on u can u really trust her

I have the same sitiutaion as You..after 18 years
by: Anonymous

Im so sorry to hear what your going through. I am in the same thing as you. My wife is a teacher as her Assistant and her have been sneaking around spending alone time together. It all started with him being so nice and helpfull around the classroom. She is not admitting having being intimate with him but I just dont beleive her. I am torn up just thinking about it when I am alone. She has confessed everything up to what I only knew and denies having slept with him or having feeling for him. She has cut him off completly so she says and has turned in her resignation.

Take This Advice
by: Prof. Victor

I wont advise you to quit the marriage, I will rather ask you to heal yourself. It has to start from gaining genuine re-dedication from your wife. Hoping that she is truly sorry, if she ain't then you can part from her cos a continuous stay with her will keep hurting you that badly. Just like a commentator posted here, learn to give meaning to yourself through other avenues like your work, grooming younger ones, community services, etc. You will turn out to be a better person.

WHEN IT IS OVER IT IS OVER
by: ironman

i held in for family and grandchildren. nobody but me in the family knows about her in love affair. she can't get over him.she wanted him to leave his wife and family and he told her he had no intentions of that even though he loved her too.that was when she told his wife and me. not in it anymore but our marriage has been over since i found out. i realize my part in it.we are actors and as long as we both realize it is for the good of the family we carry on. from the outside we look like the most loving couple even though i have no feelings for her and couldn't care less if she is sleeping with a hundred guys as long as i don't catch something from her. after infidelity it is over. don't kid yourself that it is not.

Same exact story
by: Anonymous

Man, it's scary how similar are stories are. We had kids. I tried to make a go of it, but talk about losing all self confidence as a man. I mean to even try to accept what she did was just demeaning. I couldn't really ever forgive her and I hated myself for trying. Get out now. The best thing to do is get away from her and stay away from her. It does get easier. Go out and have a good time, but realize you are not in a place to truly move on to another meaningful relationship. Take some time to heal before you do that.

2 choices
by: Anonymous

You have to make a hard decision. Keep her or let her go. My wife cheated on me after 11 years also. I forgave her and took her back after she had a summer affair with her ex-lover. The problem is now I have a really really hard time trusting her. It bothers me and I often think about it and wonder if I did the right think. Simply put I'm sure someday I won't think about it as much and my trust in her will eventually return, although I'll never fully trust her again. I am happy when I'm with her though. But I would probably be happy if I had divorced her. So its just a matter of if you want to be with her or not. You're gonna have trust issues with women from now on so do you love her and want to be with her or do you want to love another one. 11 years is quite a commitment and you will probably be more happy to stay with her if you can work things out. Just don't expect to be happy again for a little while. She will get over it a lot quicker as she is the one that cheated. You may want to secretly cheat on her and that would at least ease your mind and give you some sense of balance. And hell if she found out it would definitely show you if she really loves you and how it hurts to be cheated on. Just make sure she thinks everything is ok first.

just found out
by: Anonymous

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we have 4 children. She is a teacher, and I just found out that she has been having an affair with a coach. I caught her text messages to him and confronted her about it. This was his first year working at her school, he is ten years younger than me, and he got married 6 months ago. They had sex after a conference in my hometown, behind my old high school.
Like the others, she tried to hide it, say it was just text messages... and then he came clean to his wife. He told their boss, and they still work in the same school.
She claims she still loves me and that it was a mistake. She is doing everything she can to try and make up, but I can get past the fact that she had to move the baby seats to let the back seats down in our SUV so that she could give him oral and have sex with him. Don't know that I will ever recover....

No easy way out - "So my reply too you is find yourself in other ways"
by: Anonymous

Sir-
What has happen to you - happens to millions of men all around the world - they just do not want to admit such a terrible heart ripper. I am sure your heart feels like it has been pulled out of the body and stepped on - I've been there and sometimes I still cover my heart - but some asshole still steps one it and laughs. My advice too you is find passion in your life - not with another Women (they are as dysfunctional as we are!) - but with your work or with a Hobby or with a sporting activity - or helping children become responsible adults - we are all we have - and some of our female counter parts have trashed us - and would step on us - even if we were the last bug left on earth. So my reply too you is find yourself in other ways -- you can - that is - other than sex and women relationships - because certain relationships - will always let you down and as men we just don't need this in our lives! You can re-invent yourself and believe in yourself - this I know. You can do great things - right in the community you live and work in sir. So stand-up and be proud and help somebody in need - this will give you more pleasure then you could have ever imagined - at least it did me.

Good Luck and God Bless and Don't take any wooden nickles.

Signed- Some guy finding himself.

I understand - " When I uncovered her cheating"
by: Anonymous

My story is nearly identical. The only difference is that we didn't have kids. When I uncovered her cheating it broke a code in my value system that could not be repaired. I filed for divorce within a few days. Intellectually that's what I know I needed to do. The hardest part was the emotional side of it all. Despite what happened I was still madly in love with her. That's hard to turn off. So, I did a few key things with the hope that I would eventually overcome the emotional trauma. It worked. 1.) I limited communication with her as much as humanly possibly. 2.) I talked to anyone that would listen (including a counselor), and I wrote out my thoughts constantly (didn't show them to anyone they were just for me). 3.) I did anything socially I possibly could. Sitting at home alone was the worst thing I could have done. 4.) I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. These efforts combined with time really did work. I'm a much happier person today and I got through it with at least some level of grace and pride. It's Hell, but trust me, it's a good thing.

Time for you...and time for her to go.
by: Sarah Jane

Right now..reading your words don't seem true to me...because it feels as if I'm the only one in the world that is going through this...

This hole in my chest that is burning...everytime I see his face. I've been married for 9 years..I have two children and one income...his.

If I had no children...like you, I would tell her to pack her things and go. She will never respect you if you stay...and you will never repsect yourself or trust her.

If you are wondering what it would be like to be single after all these years...take a two week vacation...somewhere that uplifts your spirit.

Try the dating scene..feel what freedom is like again. It is horrible what humans if you can call them that, are capable of...there is someone out there better for you...time to find yourself again...do things you like...not her.

Don't waste anymore time trying to trust someone that had no reguard for you.

Good luck. At least I'm only 29...I think I stil have hope. ;) My story is on here if you wanna check it out...I walked in on him in my own house..with my children and I upstairs...
"asleep"...with his coworker...life doesn't seem real does it?

Time to walk away - sorry :(
by: Anonymous

I'm not married, so treat what I say cautiously, but I have been cheated on in a relatively long-term relationship (4 years) - and I know it plays merry hell with your self-esteem.

The best advice I can give you is if you don't have any children to take care of, then walk away with your head held high.

You don't need this kind of thing, or the immature losers who go in for it, in your life.

If you forgive her, she'll never be able to respect you, and you'll never be able to respect yourself.

Show her compassion, and caring, and sadness, and make her realize what she threw away, but recognize that you deserve better and move on.

to "caught my wife cheating on me after 11years"
by: Kelli

When a partner or spouse decides to cheat, there is rarely any thought given to the damage that will be inflicted on the other spouse or partner. It is much, much more than just a simple matter of trust.

I think in your case the two of you will need to seek professional counseling services from a therapist who specializes in marriage and infidelity.

There really is no other way for you to be able to regain your trust or to rescue the relationship. If your wife refuses to go, then go alone. Whatever happens with your marriage you will benefit from the counseling.

Know that you are not alone. I am still suffering (and yes it is indeed suffering) from the end of my 15 year relationship a year ago.

Without counseling and supportive family and friends, I don't know if I would even be here to write to you today.

Be strong, we at signs of a cheater are here for you too.

Kelli

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