I Cheated on My Girlfriend – Should I Tell Her?

by Really Confused Boyfriend
(Cali)

I cheated on my girlfriend..what should i do? Need Advice

I cheated on my girlfriend..what should i do? Need Advice

I cheated on my girlfriend recently and need some advice. I was traveling on a business trip to a city where my ex-girlfriend lived. I have been together with my girlfriend for 6 years now.

We talk about getting married but have been sort of just stuck in the same level for some time now when it comes to our relationship.

Should I tell her, or just forget about it?

I am absolutely torn about what to do. I cheated on my girlfriend and have been thinking it through over the last few days trying to get a clear answer of what I should do.

So far I have come up with the below:



Pros in Telling Her I Cheated


I will feel better about myself, at least I owned up to my actions

My conscience would be clear

I could sleep easily a night

Cons in Telling Her I Cheated


We will probably break up.

If we stay together, she may never trust me again.

She will be absolutely devastated.

Even if she breaks up with me, I could potentially damage her for all her future relationships.



So far that is what I have come up with. I cheated on my girlfriend and I had no idea it would be this heavy on my conscience.

I know my action was clearly WRONG and I know if you could get past this time I would NEVER do it again!!

The pleasure was definitely not worth what I have at stake!

Is there anyone here that has kept such a secret inside that has gone on to a healthy and happy relationship with the same person they cheated on?




Please help!

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Comments for I Cheated on My Girlfriend – Should I Tell Her?

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To Tell or Not
by: Anonymous

It continues a lie and betrayal in the relationship. The person cheated on deserves the right know what has happened and to make the decision as to what they want to do with the relationship.

If it doesn't come out now it can come out years from now. I am sure she would rather hear it from you than from someone else.
Tell the truth
by: honesty is the best

My husband cheated on me 4 years ago and I just found out. The truth will come out (hopefully not in the form of an STD by the way).

If you tell her now she will feel betrayed by your cheating. If she finds out later, she will never be able to trust you and she will feel you betrayed her every single day by continuing to lie to her.
Don't tell her
by: Anonymous

My girlfriend cheated on me several times in our early relationship, and she told me. I honestly wish she hadn't. I'm her first and only boyfriend, but she's been very honest with me about what went on in our early relationship. I've had wandering eyes ever since she told me about that. I love her a lot, and know that she was in a very confusing time. Sometimes I have an overwhelming desire to find someone else to have sex with. I'm sure someone will chime in and say that this is an unhealthy mindset to be stuck in, and that I should leave the relationship, and my response to that is that nobody knows your or my situation better than you and I do. There are intricacies and nuances that make things easier or more difficult. If you can't live with the guilt tell her for the sake of relieving your conscience. It's not selfish to want to have a clear conscience. But less contrary to the first reply, if it's a one time thing, then she might be better off not knowing.

As for the other comment that the truth is always the best. No. The truth is not always the best. There is a huge grey area. If there's no chance of her ever knowing, and the truth dies with you and your ex, then basically in her mind nothing would have ever happened. What you should consider, though, is that your ex could possibly tell your girlfriend. If this is a possibility, then you're better off telling her yourself.

There's always a third option too. But you won't like it, and I don't even know if it's a good idea or not. But just for the sake of hypotheticals... You could break up with her, on the grounds that you A) don't want to be dishonest and also B) don't want to make her distrust any future partners. It will hurt both of your feelings, and you in particular could regret it for the rest of your life, but if you feel that you're not fulfilling your commitments as a partner, it's always an option. But again, it's just hypothetical, so please, anyone responding, don't take this too seriously!
Don't be selfish
by: Anonymous

All of your pro responses were about you feeling better. If you truly regret the liason just let it go and watch yourself in the future.

Focus on the relationship. Make amends with your girlfriend by being a better, more attentive boyfriend.
Don't Listen to the Other Comment
by: Take My Advice

The truth is always, always, ALWAYS better.

Why would you want to be in a relationship that is based on lies -- even if you think that you're doing it to make things better?

You don't have the right to make the choice for your SO of whether or not they'd stay with you. Always be truthful, and let them make that decision. Otherwise it is very unfair.

Six years is a long time. Unless you've been horrible to her in other ways, she will be able to find the other good in you (at best: stay with you, at worst: letting it weigh heavily on her mind before making the difficult decision to leave).

The obvious advice is DON'T CHEAT, but it's been done. So now, BE HONEST. It'll be hard but very much worth it for everyone involved.

The other comment is the most selfish advice. Anyone can look at that and see that it is not a healthy relationship.
Don't tell her you cheated...thats my advice
by: SL

I advise you not to tell her if u want to stay with her and try to work on your relationship and make her (and yourself) happy.

As long as you are sure she has no chance to hear it from anyone else, yes, this is my advice:

Don't tell her.
I have cheated my bf as well. I dint tell him. Being a cheater it's not only my fault and of course not only his.

Cheating on him i realized my fault and I acted differently towards him, which made us come closer.

I cheated on him several times, every time when we had a big problem. I released myself in the arms of another man, but in the end my BF is the one i want to be with.

Take care and do whatever you think it's best for both of you. Good luck!

SL

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