Im breaking.

by Maggie
(Hamilton, Ontario, Canada)

I may only be 18 but i definitely feel like i could write the book on love.

I've had so many bad relationships I dont even bother going to friends anymore because its all the same, until i met the guy im dating now.

Honestly, he came out of nowhere, totaly blind-sided me!

We walked and talked for 6 hours around the city picking flowers for me, and watched the sunset on the mountain.

We've been inseparable ever since. Its only been 6.5 months now but things are changing.

I get mind numbing panic attacks where I think he talks about me to his friends behind my back and that when im not there hes with someone else.

He constantly jokes about cheating, asking for threesomes and strippers..

I started getting the attacks more when i heard his friends one day.

I went upstairs to get a drink and I could hear them talking;

They said i was a slut. and that he could do better and hes cheated on me like a million times.

He agreed.

I felt like I just got my heart thrown into a cold fire.

I sank down on the floor cursing my name, I knew it, I thought it for so long and I finally heard it.

He tricked me, flat out fooled me. He said all the right things for me to fall in love. He knew exactly what he was doing.

At this point I was furious, just about ready to run upstairs and break his flat screen.

But I go to the stairs and call his name instead.
no reply.

I call him again, this time a little louder.
no reply.

I call again, pratically yelling at the top of the stairs.
no reply.

So im left with no choice but to go downstairs where his stupid friends are while my eyes are red and watery.

I tell him to come upstairs and he just looks at me and follows.

I tell him everything and he just flat out denies it all,that nothing was said, nothings ever said.

I told him he had some bullshit hanging from his mouth. he just said i was freaking out and that it was all in my head.

Im still with him but how can it be all in my head
how do i know these things word for word if they aren't real.

Because they are real, and im gonna get to the bottom of this.