I'm young and probably naive, help me?

by Ellie
(New York)

Hi, last year I met the man of my dreams. Blue eyes, brown hair, perfect smile, a heart of gold. We spent everyday together for the past year. We aren't the typical couple you see, we met online and spend every waking moment (every moment that we can at least) Skyping.


He recently came to visit me for a couple weeks. It was the best 4 weeks of my life and confirmed that was I felt for him was indeed real and honest. We have plans to move once my lease is up in September, I will pack my tiny suit case and head off to a country where I can't even speak the language.

We've talk seriously about getting married and having a family together. The last night he was here visiting me, he went to take a shower and left his computer on and still logged into his Facebook account.

As I paced my room I reverted back to being 16 again and decided to read his messages (childish, I know. I've been cheated on before and I suppose I just needed to know), I immediately regret this decision. I found emails about the (overly detailed) bath he shared with this beautiful woman and how he can't wait to come home from his "business trip" in the U.S. to see her again.

I am not entirely sure of how to handle this situation, and any and all advice is greatly appreciated. I'm completely head over heels with this guy and don't know how to approach him about what I found and how I found it. Or if I should approach him at all.

I feel like a complete snoop, especially since I invaded his personal account. Please help!

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RED FLAG!
by: Anonymous

Ellie, you're not as naive as you would think. I think you know what you have to do, you just want some reassurance. :) I totally get it.

Normally I don't condone snooping, but sometimes it's justified. In a situation like this, where you are uprooting your life for him, yes, snoop away! You need to know these things before you commit! I know you are sad now, but someday you will look back on this and say "Thank God I found out then."

Moving to another country is not the same thing as moving in with a guy a couple of states over; worse comes to worse you can always get on the Greyhound back to your parents place or a friends for a couple hundred bucks. In a different country, with a different language? That is a set-up for a bad situation.

To sum it all up: run away from this guy, he's 1) bad news and 2) not worth it.

Too young and naive
by: Anonymous

Your suspicions are right on the button.

Don't be foolish to move to a country where you don't even speak the language and where customs dictate women have very little rights. At best you will be trapped in an unhappy relationship.

He may believe his behavior is perfectly fine and that is simply how women are to be treated.

Regardless, he is indeed a player. The proof was right before your eyes on his facebook messages.

My advise is to pick up your broken heart and KICK HIM TO THE CURB!! It won't be easy but please, dear, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO THE NEAREST EXIT!

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