Is he cheating via text???

by Nicole
(IL)

My husband and I will be married for 1 year this month. We have a very healthy intimate relationship and we laugh and love often.

We are currently trying to have a baby and he just adopted my first born. 3-4 weeks ago he went out with the guys and met a group of women that they continued to socialize with all night.

He told me briefly about the "female friends" he had met that night. 2 1/2 weeks later I find a text from one of the girls he was out with that night.

He failed to mention that he exchanged phone numbers. The text was of this woman requesting to meet up with my husband for a drink. My husband declined because of his schedule but asked for a rain check. She knew his schedule so it was evident they had been talking.

I confronted my husband in a very passive aggressive way about the women he met that night. He willingly proceeded to tell me that everyone exchanged numbers that evening. He also told me that he had been texting back and forth and that it was "no big deal".

I calmly explained my frustration and requested that in the future if he exchanges a number with someone that he believes would be great to hang out with, I'd love to meet them.

2 days later something is still not sitting right in my gut and I check the phone statement. He and this woman are texting everyday to every other day... several times a day. Most of them are while he is on lunch but there are texts during the evening while I am told he is "playing his iphone".

My husband seems to think it is no big deal and that is why he "failed" mention a few small details. After confronting my husband with the phone print out in hand, he still, very calmly, stated he did not know it was going to hurt me this much and that he would text her one last time to cut off all ties.

I don't feel like anything progressed that evening outside of flirting. The fact that she lives over an hour away leads me to believe they haven't had time to catch up for that drink.

Please tell me your thoughts... Right now I am feeling extremely betrayed. I hate the fact that I don't trust him.

Comments for Is he cheating via text???

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A big deal
by: AJ

He's a jerk. If it's no big deal then you could do the same thing. Exchange numbers with a guy and don't tell him. He knows exactly what he's doing. Don't be a fool.
IDIOTS - "start texting an old male friend and let him find your phone and see how he feels"
by: Anonymous

I know what it feels to lose your trust towards someone and even worst the person that supposed to be your other half.

MEN ARE IDIOTS That is all there is to it and to beat idiots you simply do as they do. He does not think that his text are doing anything wrong.

First stop trying to conceive getting pregnant in this type of situation is the worst thing that you can do, settle things first.

Second start texting an old male friend and let him find your phone and see how he feels. When he questions you about it answer with the same stupid excuses that he has been using.

Lets see how he feels when this is done to him.
Good luck
:(
by: Anonymous

I'm not an expert and I usually dont write on blogs but it's so irritating, men that is:

#1 ure hubby is prob deeply madly in love with you, which in my opinion doesn't matter when it comes to this.

#2 he's txtn her bc he is a male and has a female (diff frm u) showing him attention.

#3 if you had not caught him txtn he prob most likely I'm almost certain wld have met up with this woman, and let's be honest, it's not for drinks. TEMPTATION is all that meeting wlda brought which wld allow for more communication and eventually sex.

#4 have u asked him how he wld feel if you were holding convo with another man?

#5 shld have let the ball roll and not told him you knew, u clda kept record wit phone txt and seen where it wld have left.

#6 I wld go silent about and see where he takes it...and in the end of he cannot control his attention seeking, wanting different etc I wld go to counseling

#7 it'll happen again :(. Eventually....I've been happily married to my husband, sexually, physically, emotionally etc. not happy financially, him not holding responsibility etc. I have had relations with another man for almost 2 years, why!? I love my husband it was jus the attention and admiring the pride and stature of the man I was cheating with. Would I ever leave my husband NO, if he found out would I be devastated, yes. Would he, yes.

Where did it all start? Texting
Do not forgive more than once
by: Anonymous

I have to comment on the last post. I feel so bad for women that stay in a relationship where they are constantly having to put up with a cheating man. I have heard of women forgiving the first discretion, but forgiving anymore than once is absurd and plain self destructive. I absolutely do not believe in victimizing a victim, but if your man continues to disregard your relationship then the problem becomes yours. For myself it would be a feat to forgive the first act of infidelity, but there would be no way I would stick around if it ever happened again.
My mother in law told me a story of her husband cheating on her after being married for over 25 years. She said she had to investigate to find out and when she did he told her it was only a one night stand. She then later found out that she contracted an STD from him. When she told me that story all I could think was, "Wow." 25 years of marriage is a lot to through down the tubes for some fling that leaves you both dirty.
She forgave him - but she never has forgotten. Adultery is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage. There is nothing greater that will destroy the bonds of trust and disintegrate all love.
Aside from murder, it is an act you can not take back. It destroys marriages, families, and even lives.
My own mother was cheated on by her first husband. She was 6 years into that marriage and chose to divorce. She had two little girls at the time and was looked down upon because it was in the 1960's and society did not rationalize divorce like people do now. She lost her membership in her church and was beaten down for her decision. What's so sad is that her fist husband when on to six more marriages and just recently divorced again. Can society tell her now who had the problem?
Both men and women need to take heed and respect their spouses and themselves. Having integrity is so void in the world today that it makes me sick. Who can you trust if you can not trust your own spouse.
Do not forgive more than once. This is wise.
Tough
by: Anonymous

I am writing because I feel your pain. You have every right to not trust him anymore. You two are married and therefore he should not be texting another woman unless you are completely in the know. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? Of course, right now he would say something to the effect of, "it wouldn't bother me". We all know that is just nonsense.

What he did was deceitful and he knew very well how much it would hurt you, that's why he "failed to mention it".

You mentioned that you are both trying to conceive. This sometimes can cause a man to get "cold feet" in fear of the future responsibilities that go with being a parent. So it is common for men to seek attention from another woman as if to say, "I don't want to grow up yet".

Although he may feel this way does not excuse him from him dishonesty with you. He is giving into his emotions and not communicating with YOU.

He WILL be sorry for his actions because nothing good EVER comes out of this type of behavior. His behavior is not marriage promoting and no matter what anybody tells you, YOU are not insecure or jealous. HE caused the problem and it's up to HIM if he wants to fix it. He might be very immature - most men are that cheat on their wives. Immaturity breeds selfishness and selfishness NEVER works in a marriage.

I would never tell you to leave the marriage because I don't believe you should gives up unless you have done all you can do. Therapy this early on in the marriage sounds so sad because you two should still be in the "honeymoon phase", but it sounds as though your husband is the one who needs the counseling. He needs to learn how to be a husband and respect women. Texting this woman the way he has been shows no respect for you OR even the woman he is texting (I know you don't care about her) but it should show you where the problem is - that is where you need to attack it.
Don't ignore this issue. I speak from experience. It will only get worse if left ignored - your HUSBAND needs counseling - and you should go with him for support!
I HATE CHEATERS
by: Suzanne

I Was Involved With A Man For Six Years, Same Thing Went On With Him And A Female Texting. I Caught Him Cheating, Because Of My Gut Feeling!

I Didn't Ever Trust, His Explanation For The Purpose Of These Text Messages! In Six Years, I Caught Him Six Times, I'm Finally Done!

A Man Who Cheats, Is A BIG Liar Too! Best Believe, Your Gut Feeling, Is Usually Right On. It's The Connection You Have With Him, Believe That! Trust Your Gut Feeling, & Keep Investigating.

The Only Way, To Have Peace Of Mind... Suzanne Marie

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