Strippers , Lap dances, Singles websites with chatting - married for 24 years!

by Heart broken mom

Strip clubs, lap dances, Singles websites with chatting - married for 24 years!
My husband and I have been married for 24 years. We have 5 kids and what I thought was a great life!! I have just recently found out that for about the last 18yrs he has been strip clubbing with lap dances and on many singles and swingers websites chatting with local people in our city.
When he decided to tell me I told him that I would promise to listen with compassion and try to be non judgmental. That I could own some of the blame of our sex life being so so because I have been so wrapped up in our kids.

I am a very involved mom. I told him that I believed we could work through it, but he had to promise to be honest. You can't build back a relationship if there isn't honesty right?

Well every bit of information he has given me has been just a smidgen of truth. I have had to drag out each piece of information.
This behavior has been as recent as 4 months ago. I adore my husband. I have loved him for almost half of my life! It makes me physically ill to think of another woman putting her fanny in my husbands face, rubbing and grinding all over him and him burying his face in her boobs to tip her!

The women he has been chatting with are quite skanky! I haven't been able to eat, or sleep. My weight has gone down in the one hundred and teens. I am not the youngest chick on the block, but I am not unattractive.

And I am not the kind of wife that just lays there with her eyes closed until it is over either!! I have gotten quite a bit of unsolicited attention from men my whole life.

I have gone out of my way not to pay attention to men, and my husband always points out that they are staring at me.
I have never felt the need to check up on him. Never! He is my lover, my friend. We have grown up together!

He is a computer guy so he spends allot of time on the computer. He travels with his work and this is when he frequents the strip clubs.

The song that says "I didn't to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand."
Talk about dumb-founded and stupid!! I have been so naive!!

Why on earth would he be out carousing and looking for this other stuff? He says he loves me. He says he loves our family.

He says he hasn't cheated. He says that it was because he was bored...(5 kids at home!) He says he doesn't consider any of it cheating, and that it is not personal it's just porn!

Funny, it feels personal to me. I feel like he has betrayed me. He was sneaking around for 18yrs doing stuff he knew that he darn well shouldn't be doing! And it is scary that he was so good at keeping it hidden.

He has lied about every piece of information he's given to me. He swears that he has told me everything and that there is nothing more to tell. At this point, I am terrified to ask any more!

I just don't know what to do.
My head knows that these things he has been doing are just "stuff" and that he hasn't been unfaithful to the full extent of sex.

But my heart is broken!! It feels like infidelity to me.

So I am asking the classic question of "is it infidelity if...." But please, I need to hear from people that have been married for a while.

At this point in my life I can't take any of the "well...like...my bf just looked at the girl in the car next to me. Is it like...cheating on me?" :) ha ha ha I guess it's good that I still have some laughter left!

But seriously, I think it is cheating. He thinks it is just porn. Am I making too big of a deal of this? I feel like I Should insist that it stop. Can a person stop such behavior after so many years?

We are going to couples counseling, but I just don't feel like my husband get's it. He doesn't think it's that big of a deal.

And I am truly heart broken!!