Who to believe?

by Anonymous

I found out over four months ago now that my wife was having an affair on me/had an affair on me.

She claims she ended seeing him two months prior to me finding out but they continued to talk on the phone/text message.

His wife found a text one month before I found out yet they continued to communicate until I found out and then it ended immediately.

They were together intimately only four times and my wife ended it because it was too hard on her, she claims she still loved me too much.

We have grown apart over the years and our communication was never very good. She felt unwanted and he played his cards right and she was sucked in by him.

Turns out I actually knew his wife from years ago. I've spoken to her and a lot of the things she's told me don't match what I've been told by my wife.

My wife is 100% committed to making this thing work, I know how much she loves me, I just failed to be there for her over time and was a closed book to her.

I feel much guilt for us getting to this point in our lives because of the way I was towards her.

I've demanded many questions be answered honestly to me, even the uncomfortable ones. My main concern was did they use protection.

She claims she told him from day one they had to use protection even though he had a vasectomy. She claims her reasons even though they were both married were she was scared of getting pregnant still as well as they were strangers wrapped up in telling each other lies about one another(like I imagine many people do in affairs.)

I've confronted him over the phone and he claims he never used protection.

He told his wife he never used it either. My wife says he is a f*cking liar and swears on our childrens lives they used it and that he even bought them when she told him they had to use them.

My point has been why would a guy lie and say he DIDN'T use them if he really DID?

My wife thinks that she hasn't been his only cheat, just the only one he's been caught with. He had a condo he was renovating for months with a mattress on the floor in one of the bedrooms so I see her point.

She thinks he was worried he maybe had something and being confronted by his wife he figured she would demand an STD test and if he said he used protection with my wife and actually had a disease of some sort then he would be forced to admit to more than one cheat.

My wife wasn't happy but I can't see her risking her own health and mine by not using protection.

My question is who the hell do I believe?

Comments for Who to believe?

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Sorry for your pain
by: Anonymous

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. My husband also had an affair and he did not use protection. I cannot say with accuracy any more than you can about whether or not she is lying, however, her rationale for him lying sounds fishy and convoluted. My husband lied several times with better and more convincing stories until he finally came out with the truth about his affair. If I were you, I would absolutely get tested. Although it is painful to hear and difficult to acknowledge, it is highly likely that she is lying.
Also, affairs and sexual indiscretions are often not planned and are the product of "getting caught up" and sliding down a slippery slope. It's unlikely that they stopped to get protection once they allowed themselves to cross the line.
I hope you are able to heal from this hurt as quickly as possible. It does get better.
All the best to you.
I must say..
by: Anonymous

I give you all the credit in the world for trying to make it work, but I really don't think she would tell you the truth if she didn't use protection.

Talking about cheating is difficult enough and if she can soften the blow even a bit she will.

I think you are just going to have to cope with the possibility that she didn't use protection and if your health is the major concern then you guys need to go get tested.

Mentally the thought of her not using protection can be tough, but it is what it is and you are choosing to try to get past it so that is also something that you are going to have to appease in your mind through your own efforts of forgiveness.

Sometimes the person that was cheated on may even want to hear that the sex wasn't good, but that isn't the main issue and if you are choosing to forgive, then the details may need to become irrelevant or blurred in your mind.

Hope it all works out for the best

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