Why Doesn't My Wife Trust Me? I Haven't Done Anything Wrong. Or Have I?

by WorkoutGuy
(MD)

Why Doesn't My Wife Trust Me?


I have been married 5+ Years and when my wife and I first got married I was fresh from the Air Force.

Lean at 4% body fat and in really good shape. Then We got married and I started letting myself go and ultimately got out of control to where I was at risk for health problems.

So I woke up one day and said I no longer am going to be fat. I lost 65lbs and am still losing weight and getting more in shape everyday.

My wife hasn't picked up the sentiment of getting in shape she wants to get in shape but isn't wanting to sacrifice eating what she wants and doesn't really want to work hard for it.

Now I have always been pretty attractive(not to toot my own horn) but I've always had girls around that wanted to date me or be with me etc.

When My Wife and I started Dating 11 Years ago there were girls around then but I liked that she didn't appear to try so hard to get my attention.

She played hard to get and we have been in love ever since. The Problem: Now that Im back in shape about 5-6lbs from the shape I was in prior to getting married.

She sees me working out 4-5 days a week...within walking distance of where we live and sees that I am getting attention from lots of females again.

Her friends and co-workers included. Now I know that can be of putting when coworkers and supposed friends are "in your ear" saying "ooh girl he's this.." etc but I dont want them.

I made a commitment to her and only her. She knows I take marriage seriously and wouldn't violate that sanctity.

I tell her all the time she is gorgeous and she doesn't need to work out for me. Getting healthy has to be a lifestyle choice and something you are prepared to do.

Also I have gotten my kids involved working out with me the best they can doing pushups and squats and fun stuff to keep them active also.

However she thinks there is other motivation. I personal train also and she's always asking about who im training and who is this girl and who is that girl and so forth.

She has blatantly told me I don't trust you. I have told her well what do you want me to do? Stay home get fat just so you can feel happy with me being up under you all the time?

I'm not willing to do that. Like I said I am making strides to be healthy I'm not trying to be a bodybuilder I don't even go out to "party" I am either working full time day job get off work and start training in the evenings.

What do I do? I love her and don't want to lose here especially for something as simple as this.

I am doing all this training for us so we can stay healthy and happy together for as long as we both shall live.

SO what do I do? Keeping in mind I have never cheated on her. Even as a boyfriend I was faithful. I'm just kind of lost at what to do.

She is going through my phone when i'm sleeping and attempting to call women i work with and they in turn get turned off to working with me because of her its just frustrating.

I thought I was being a good guy...but apparently I'm better off being fat and at home.

Comments for Why Doesn't My Wife Trust Me? I Haven't Done Anything Wrong. Or Have I?

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Your problem is, you're not the problem
by: Anonymous

It's very obvious your wife is projecting. You said she isn't interested in making the sacrifices to get in shape while you are. My guess is that your wife feels insecure about her own self image, and she projects those worries onto you. This is exacerbated by the fact that numerous other women find you attractive and she realizes that you could easily dump her for a dozen different women. Even if it's not conscientious, in her own mind she is not satisfied with herself, so she questions how you could truly be satisfied with her.

No matter what you do, it won't really help. If you decided to stop working out and get lazy and fat again, she would feel guilty about pushing you back into that lifestyle and end up projecting that anger onto you.

She feels ashamed with herself, which creates guilt, which leads to anger. She deals with her problem, not by addressing the problem, but by making something else the problem. If she's not the problem, she can justify the anger to herself, so you become the proxy for her anger.

Of course, she also realizes that you are a great guy, so she starts to feel guilty about distrusting you, which of course makes the problem even worse. The cycle becomes self sustaining, and she probably doesn't even realize what she is doing to herself.

The key here is to get to the root of the problem and help her deal with it. It's not easy, but the longer this goes on, the worse it will get.

Give her security
by: Anonymous

i feel that i am like your wife ...i also have been thinking that my husband is cheating on me , he spends a lot of time going to the gym

i suggest that you keep reminding your wife how much you love her . that whatever happens , you will be there for her , that you will only love her no matter what her size is . perhaps you might want to ask her to join you in your gym time ... so you can also spend some quality time together ..my hubby does not want to include me though and it hurts me this is something that i want from my husband but he does not seem to have the sense to tell me .
so please do that to your wife . what we need is security , the feeling that even though we may not be perfect , someone special like our husbands thinks that we are the BEST in the world and that no one can be compared to us.

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