by Pankaj Sinha
(Chennai, Tamilnadu, India)
Nobody likes to cheat after marriage. The people want to settle and want to develop financial stability in marriage. They want to give all happiness to family members and fulfill all desires of them.
The marriage brings lot of challenges which may require changes in you. We need to adapt to our spouses.
The people don’t cheat because of immaturity but due to unfulfilled happiness in their marriages. We want the love, respect and trust of our spouses. When we don’t get these and look for it around people for that.
I will have to take you at my story for almost three years back. I was thirty five years of age and working in IT Company in Human Resources department.
I was doing pretty well at work at that time and had just bought couple of lands. I was also in process of buying a flat. I was married for six years and had a pretty daughter of three years of age. I had a love marriage going against wishes of my parents.
We and my parents lived separately in same house. The situation was very worst as my parents and wife did not get along well. It impacted our marriage as I was caught between them.
I was losing my health and hairs in this tussle. My wife was short tempered person and she vented lot of anger at me. She gave me lot of abuses and it was straining me mentally. We had certain distance in our relationship and love was lost on the way.
We sometimes had physical pleasure but got reduced with times. I was not happy in the relationship and wanted to divorce. Every time, I thought about it but then realized that our daughter will be deeply impacted with this.
I had one new Christian girl joining in my department. She was like fresh leash of energy in my life. She brought real smile and laughter in my life.
We started liking each other company. I was older to her by eleven years. We were from different religion, region and spoke different languages at our home.
I proposed her for love and she accepted it. She also had a love break up after four years staying together. We were having good time together.
There was romance in air and we were physically given to each other. She was young and beautiful. She got lot of attention from other young men at office.
I was feeling very possessive and jealous. It was making insecure in the relationship. May be I was older by age with grey hairs with average physique. There was an inferiority complex in me.
I was also feeling guilty in my marriage. My wife was short tempered but she took care of my house and daughter well. She had bought lady luck with her that I was successful at work.
My personal life was in a circus. On other side, my possessiveness was affecting my other relationship. She never accepted this relationship openly.
May be she fell in love more on sympathy and was realizing that. We had a generation gap in our thought process. There were clashes between our thinking.
She started maintaining bit of distance from me and cutting down on replying me at phone and WhatsApp. She actually blocked me in social media also.
I can’t break my marriage until there is a matured commitment from her. In between I hear from my other friend, she is also seeing around another guy in my office and also gets confirmation on this from my own colleague.
It is like that she is two timing both of us. I can’t comment as I am also doing same. Here my wife becomes pregnant of our second child which I didn’t want because I am in confused state of relationship triangle.
We lose our child before it has come also. This makes me feel much guiltier. I am the worst person at earth.
It was very difficult as she was working under me and reporting to me. I tried my best to balance between two different relationships. According to her, I was also wrong in my decisions at work also.
I had made a good name at organization and it looked this relationship could affect that. She would talk to more guys around me to make me more angry and jealous. I never understood what is in her mind and heart.
I was very much emotionally attached to her. I started losing more of my health. I was getting lot more angry at workplace. My life was miserable. I was unhappy with both my personal relationships.
Now it has been three years and I am in same circus. She is still working under me keeping me confused between love and betrayal. I feel my emotions have been taken for advantage.
She meets her friends near me and hug them there. It boils me to the hell. She will also be twenty seven soon and have more clarity of life.
You are playing with other person emotions. The love chapter can’t be closed in proper manner. This has brought me close to my daughter. My focus has shifted to my family but I loved her very deeply.
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