Confused-Am I in denial?
It is no secret my marriage has been falling apart. I know I am to blame too...It takes two. Since he has been drinking heavily for over two years now it has been near impossible to talk to him. I just shut down, and hid in my room every night to avoid conflict. He has been sleeping on the coach ever since. Not because I have banished him there but because he passes out and stays there.
Just recently, my husband demanded that I perform a sex act on him and it enraged me so much that it turned into a fight. He said that if I am not going to do it then he needs to find someone else who will. Like an escort or someone from a bar. I did not give in. That comment only made me think about what he was saying. He was telling me that I am not filling his needs to he is going else where to get it.
Then the trust went down the toilet. I started looking in his e-mail account and found that he was on dating websites from a few months back(Plus porn sites, but that is par for the course). He was stating in his profile that he was "single". I also checked his cell phone and googled all the numbers that I did not reconise. Nothing came up. I looked in his web history on his cell phone and found that he was on more dating websites and more porn of course. I tried to track him by going on to the new websites and found that I could not find him. In order to track him you have to sign up so I tried to be as generic as I could and not be a red flag for every man in the county to e-mail me. Truly I am discused by these sites. They give advise about how to cheat on a spouse and not get caught. Also my husband has banned me from his facebook page, created new e-mail accounts and sent a naked picture of himself to his e-mail account.
Well I should not have do so on my smart phone wifi because my husband was able to see all activity on the network at home. He hacked into my e-mail account and I thought that I had closed all the accounts to the websites that I had to sign up for (to look for him), but I had two e-mails in there from memebers seeking me. I noticed that he forwarded the e-mails to himself. I deleted that e-mail account. I am truly feeling sick about this situation.
Now he is showering me with attention, and at the same time hacking into anything he can of mine so he can get information. Well I really have nothing to hide, so I guess that does not matter much.
What should I do about the possible cheating? I know the signs are there:
-Blocked from Facebook, secret e-mails, naked pictures of himself, moody, constantly taking off to go to the "store" "get gas", tells me constantly "it is none of your business".
Anyone have any advise?