I guess this is part of my healing process, or maybe I just hope that my story inspires someone in my current situation to reconsider their actions.
I feel compelled to share my story because I never stopped to think that my selfish, heartless actions could effect so many people...and now I see the destruction I've left in my wake.
My affair started like many affairs do today, over the internet. I'd like to say I wasn't "looking", but I definitely wasn't adverse to the attentionl in fact I craved it.
I eventually wound up meeting and flirting with a married woman that threw compliments and flattery at me like I hadn't had in ages, without really having to work for them.
In the fairy tale world this situation lived in, I could do no wrong in her mind...why couldn't my wife see that I was perfect too? I didn't really expect it to go further than the on-line flirting since we were both married.
But of course it led to more: first it was just agreeing to meet, then it was a quick kiss...next thing you know we're in a hotel room.
After a few months I found out she was telling her friends about me. Why would someone openly brag about sinning like this?
I told no one because I knew it was completely wrong...and I was deathly affraid of my wife leaving me if she ever found out.
Well, It's true what the Bible says "All sin shall come to light". The woman's husband found out last summer and for months I guess she fended him off from contacting my wife.
Unfortunately, he wound up finding her and laid out the entire story to my wife in an email.
Without hesitating she kicked me out and had her mind made up that she was filing for divorce within a few days.
I was devastated, but nothing like she was; I DO love her, and we have children that deserve a strong, stable family, and I was sad that I gave that all up for a hollow thrill.
I can't even begin to explain how badly I feel for destroying her world. I know she loved me, and I know that even though our marriage wasn't perfect, she would never have done this to me or our family.
I chose not to give up. I immediately went to a friend that is a pastor, and I layed it all on the line. I realized I was leading a very sinful life, and I realized the reason I cheated had nothing to do with her: it was my own insecurity, selfishness, and pride that blinded me to do such a terrible thing.
I had issues, and I've chosen to changes those for myself, but also for my wife and children...who knew being broken down so horrifically could inspire me to become a man for the first time in my life???
We have decided to try and work things through, and only because I have shown my wife that I truly am sorry for what I did, and that I have been changed by finally thinking about others before my own needs and satisfaction.
Most importantly, she has faith that by finally giving my life to God I am at least capable of being a better man now.
I know not all men choose this route, and by no means am I patting myself on the back for this, but I do believe that people can change...the will has to be there to do so.
This will take a lot of time, patience, and eventually (hopefully) her forgiveness. I pray each day to be a better father, husband, and man, but also that God help me not to be blinded by the disease of "Me" ever again.
I know temptation is lurking each day, which is why every person needs to understand that this can happen to them: I never thought in a million years I would become this person..no one does. And if you are in the middle of an affair or fighting the temptation, I urge you to reconsider...the end-result of losing trust, respect, and living in shame are not worth it I assure you.
If you have had an affair or in one, I hope that you might read this and believe in the power and resotration that a relationship with God can do for a lost person, and end it as quickly as possible.
I'll close by asking that you please pray for my wife, children and the continued rebuilding of my family.
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