"I need space." WARNING!
After a massive fight with my girlfriend of two years, we did not talk for a couple of days. After settling down, I sent her a nice text message wanting to set things right. Only to hear that she waited some space to "think about things and be alone with just her dog". If only I knew.
So I respected her and told her that it would be hard but I would try not to bother her and let her think about things. A week passed and I thought this had been enough time. Still no luck.
That night I received a message on Facebook, from a girl I did not know. The message said, "Hi, you do not know me, but I thought I would tell you that your girlfriend is cheating on your with my fiance. They work together."
Further discussion revealed that the two were engaged, set to marry in 6 months, and had bought a house together only 3 weeks earlier. They had dated for EIGHT years. He moved out on her a week prior.
Sick at my stomach, I went to her house to get the truth. She denied this claim over and over, said the girl was crazy and had done this to other people, and that the guy does flirt with girls at work (including her) but she did not flirt back. I believed her at first, but she said she still needed space.
Then, I stalked. I know it can be wrong, but just like other people on here, I needed to find out the truth. She never arrived home after she got off work (7pm-7am). Everybody around lunch I would drive to her house and her car was not there. I confronted her about this and she said she was staying with friends. Yeah right. I asked if she had seen the guy outside of work? "Yes, one time, at the bar about a week ago, but he was with his people and I was with mine. We said hello and that's it."
Another week passed. I noticed one of her friend's had become friends with this guy on Facebook. Knowing that they wouldn't be friends on there if they had not met, I texted her once again.
"Have you still not seen him outside of work, except one time?"
"Yes, I have."
"Have you stayed with him?"
"I am done talking"
At this point, I said some very bad things, possibly including being a liar, cheating c**t, have fun being a skank, burn in hell, etc. Great stuff.
That's what I needed. After 5 months of wondering, worrying, not eating, not sleeping, and being testy, I had already ran the course on emotions when I got closure. Although she never said that she had stayed with him, the 'no answer' was what I needed, on top of knowing she had seen him outside of work. She claims she is country, wears cowboy boots, listens to country music, and wants to live on a farm in the country. This guy wears black wife-beaters, has a faux-hawk, diamond studs in both ears, and a couple tattoos. A match made in heaven.
MY TIPS FOR OTHER UNLUCKIES:
- Always trust your gut. If you have been with someone for awhile, you know (subconsciously) almost everything about their daily behavior. Anything out of the ordinary for a prolonged amount of time is a warning sign.
- Stalking is OK. This is only true if you have a big enough gut feeling that the other is cheating. Personal insecurities and small personality changes aren't enough to start doing this. This is the final step, more for your closure than to catch them.
- If your significant other is the jealous type, beware. Both of her parents had cheated on each other when she was going up. She said that she would "never, ever" cheat on anyone after seeing what that did to her family. HA! She was also very jealous. I was not allowed to talk to previous good friends that were girls, I was not supposed to talk to my best friends' girlfriends, and I wasn't allowed to carpool to work with male and female coworkers.
- There is not a certain anniversary that marks the time when they wont cheat on you. Nine days, nine months, or nine years, it can happen anytime.
- Finally, it is not your fault! It is easy to blame yourself for somehow causing them to cheat on you. This is not true. While they will never admit to their family and friends that they were in the wrong, you must consider them all dead and create a new chapter. Remember that YOU did not cheat, it was them, and what you WILL do is move on with your life and with somebody that much better deserves you!
Hang in there!