I watched the video of my wife cheating after she told me she was raped

by Wale
(Ohio)

I was sleeping one day when she woke me up. She started crying and I couldn't stop her ,so I rushed down to her father in the visitors room and told him his daughter won't stop crying and I can't get her to,he came with me and spoke with her for a few minutes then she finally let the bomb out 4yrs ago at the early hours of that fateful day .she told us her colleague ,her friend's husband and a close family friend raped her. She showed us her cut panties and told us a story of how it happened. We contacted a police friend /family who asked us to come make an official report, after which he was to be arrested in the afternoon. Me the boiling husband put a call through to the guy,instead of been remorseful he told me to stop deceiving my self and come see my wife in action.He told me I married a slut, he said he has kissed my wife.fingered her in my matrimonial home,and kissed her on so many times , of which he always record their acts.
He gave me a video of how my wife was the main actress in a porn , I lost it all , collected the video and drove back home. I confronted her and told her what she wore on the day we came back from a 3 days family prayer on the mountains that she said she had to go meet him to collect a file meant for work as tired as she was . At first she denied it called a cop she had planned with that she reported on that day which happens to be 3 days to her birthday.(now her birthday is remembrance of bad day to me )but when I told her of her actions and that she didn't even us protection and all her 69 position she demanded for and finally the video she busted crying.
5 yrs now I still can't get it out of my brains and whenever we have an argument on her closeness to men she acts like I don't want her to have a life. In all honesty .i wish I can stop her from doing that same job.i see she's trying but I can't help but see that weird video and I also caught her with a junior colleague, although she claimed they were just talking for hours in his friends place and she changed his name to " client joy" a woman's name on her phone .I don't want my kids to suffer a broken home,and my wife says I should let go of all that happened,that I can trust her,she goes to church more now (although I can't stop the picture of her in church on the day she went to commit the act )I am trying but I don't know how to stop the image in my brain. She's even making it hard by acting like she's not the one that brought this on me. Now am more sensitive to issues about all men around her ,because of how she did with the first, I am now more protective and jealous ,which I never did before. What can I do ,someone please help me think.

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starstarstarstarstar 		Forgiveness heals...
by: Anonymous

I have not been in your exact situation, although I have been betrayed and suffered from infidelity. It's very painful and like you there are many triggers that cause me to remember the bad memories. It's hard to get past the triggers and to be quite honest I'm still working on that myself. I am Christian and taking the information you have given I would not be able to continue on, I would leave. The sex, the sexual acts and then accusing rape...the fact that she goes to church more often may show her good intentions but it doesn't mean she will change. Even if she does or has changed what's done is done and like you said those images are permanently embedded in your mind.

Whether you stay or leave my advice to you is to forgive. Not forget, forgiving is not saying that her actions are justified or in anyway okay behavior that should be overlooked. But for your own peace; accept what has happened, by no fault of yours either. Realize you will never be able to change the past. Ever. Accept it. Accept and forgive so you can move on. Tell yourself you forgive her for being weak and not having the strength to stay faithful, you forgive her and hopes she can get better and healthier for herself and tell yourself you forgive her for your own peace.
All in all, forgive to be able to move forward and realize that after what you have seen and the pain you are still suffering means if you stay you will probably never truly be happy again in the way everyone deserves to be.

You cant go forward while looking in the rear view mirror.
Good luck

PS: The caption below that needs to be typed to submit this post is a word that is a huge trigger for me. How ironic. You are not alone, not one bit.
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starstarstarstarstar 		(FORGIVENESS)
by: Anonymous

As Christens we are not perfect people we are FORGIVEN people

This helped me, I hope it helps you.

R.A.

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