Is she cheating? I need her texting details!

by Brian
(Murphysboro, IL)

Ok... Here is a long story and I think the answers are right in front of me!

I've been married for 14 years. My wife is 7 years younger than me and we married when she was 20. We have 3 children ages 8, 6, and 3.

I was a business owner in the construction industry which with the downturn in the economy has presented some tough times for our family. My wife has been so nervous about making it. I recently closed the business and I am now working as a manufacturer rep in the same industry with a good salary etc... so we can now see the light!

My wife works at a University. She is around many guys all the time. Many of them are young and the goof together alot.

On our 14th anniversary we got a babysitter for the first time in a long time and went out to dinner. As we left we wanted to go and have a few drinks, since we never get to go out alone anymore. I suggested going to a local bar that a good friend of ours opened. She threw a fit! I asked her why? She said because some guy she works with hangs out there and she didn't want to spend "tonight" talking with him about work and hearing all the work stories. She said he was a drunk, and he is funny and a good guy but all he does is hang out in this bar. I told her that we don't have to hang out with him. Just be cordial say hello and we can be together. She insisted NO!

This was all new to me... So we argued some about this. She made her point loud and clear.

A month or so goes by and we changed cell phone companies. Our old cell phone provider did not detail any text information but our new one did! I kept seeing this number on her text record that was strange to me. I then realize in the short month that we had this new phone, she shared over 250 text with this number. So, I called the number and he wouldn't reveal who he was... So I asked my wife and sure enough it was the guy from work she didn't want to be seen with me at the bar.

She told me that the texting was all about work. Complaints about co-workers etc... I let it slide.

Later that month before spring break, her and her co-workers were going to go out and celebrate spring. Which I'm ok with that. When you work in an office setting you have to make friends or it's hell at work. She told me she was only going to meet her girl friend from work for dinner. She met her girl friend after work (4:30) at a local resturant. She told me that it was dinner and then she would be home. At 8:00 I called her because our youngest was upset because we had no more milk. I called her 5 times and text her 3. No reply! Then at 8:30 she calls me from a bar, saying they ate and went to a bar... which is not what she told me she was going to do. I asked her to bring some milk home when she came home. She said ok, I'll be home in 20 min.

At 9:45, I called her agian... NO answer... I text her and she replied I'm heading home.

At 10:40 she got home with NO milk!

That next day I seen a friend while I was working and he said that he saw my wife at 2 different bars. So I questioned her about that. I learned that she went to another college bar that she never told me about.

So, I then logged into our cell account and learned that she was texting this guy at all hours of the day and night. Even at Midnight durring the week. As I was asleep!

So I confronted her about this. She said listen this guy is a good friend. We have gone through so much stress with the business and all, that she needed someone to talk to. But she said I see the trouble it's causing and I'll stop!

But she didn't I would see on the cell bill where she was still texting him over 300 text a month! So we faught hard over the texting... She then paid the early termination fee to take her phone off my account which only cost us $10 for unlimited everything! Now she has her own account with a password protecting it so that I can't see her text log.

We had some long talks and she told me this thing was over. So we got a baby sitter and was going to go out together and turn a new leaf.

We go out and have a real good time! Lots of fun! But, the next day I learned by seeing her log into her account and when she walked away that she text this guy 12 times while we were out and hid it from me again!

She insist that it's casual chats and nothing to it. I have no access to her cell account and no knowledge of her text details. She just tells me that we need to move on and that is it.

What can I do? PLEASE HELP!!!

Comments for Is she cheating? I need her texting details!

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Make your point and take a stand
by: Anonymous

I went through the exact same scenario. First, tell her she must quit her job and find a new one because it will not stop until she has cut off all communication.

Then, if you both want your marriage to work, go get help from a marriage counselor; the counselor will explain that what she is doing is a form of infidelity though there is no sex involved and that it is very hard on the spouse that is feeling betrayed!

Good Luck.

Wow - "My wife is texting this dude"
by: albert

ok dude this is happeneing to me too. My wife is texting this dude and i caught her. she stopped for a month then started again texting and calling him again.

I told her again and threatened her with divorce...i was close to leaving her. i didnt and gave her a chance and now i feel paranoid. but we have to deal with it until the slip again bad like sleeping with them or even kissing them...texting is bad but not that bad in a sense.

It hurts but its nothing now just let it develop and you will know if she loves you or not. maybe its only texting and that's it, but if its more then kick her to the curb and tell your kids she didnt love you cause thats what it is, no love from her to your feelings.

Thats what im doing, i told her if she slips or i found out she lied to me bout her relationship with this duche bag i will divorce on the spot no matter if we having a good time.

Its hard but hang in there guy. You're not alone.

Same boat..I know what your going thru..
by: Anonymous

I know what your going thru.I have been married 25yrs.we have had I phone 5mo.I noticed my husband texting didn't think much of it til he woulld spend2 to3 hrs texingwhile we watch tv.went into account liked at data it was se number I approuched when I read how personal he talked to this coworker he was texting ever thing blew Up on his face when I told him that I read his text aske to forgivenut he continue doing it says it's just work related but I read other texts and there not when bring up he just throws phone and says he going to cancel it because I dint trust him any more.but how can I when he continues doing it.


Me husband is doing the samething
by: gg

My husband is doing the samething i'm 8 years older than him

I even ask him her or me guess what the 12 times I've said that she's still on the other end of his cell phone.

I wish i had some wise words to share with you it sucks you love someone with all your heart and you cant let go even when you should be true to your self and do what is in your best interest and heart...


Get Out Now!!! - Don't play the denial game
by: Anonymous

Dude, she is SO cheating on you. Don't play the denial is SO obvious. I just got divorced after 13 years of marriage and went through pretty much the same scenario. Yes, you have kids (as I do) and they will grow up with divorced parents and that SUCKS.....but you don't deserve that. Don't take her shit. Tell her you two need counseling ASAP and if she won't do that for your kids and your marriage then get rid of her. Filing for divorce is the hardest thing you could ever do (take it from me), but you can't live your life like that!!!! It's ridiculous. In my opinion, You're TOAST!!!!! Move on and be happy. It's amazing how liberated you will feel once you get rid of all the stress and worry. Good luck!!!

Stop martyrdom
by: Anonymous

If I were you, I could have asked her to leave my sight right from the time she came home without the milk. Your patience is so impressive and the dumbest. You are the man, you shall teach her a lesson.

same boat
by: Anonymous

I am going through the same thing. My husband works with another woman 20 years his junior she is a also a dancer. I found 900 text messages last month
He said it was innocent he is just stressed and needs someone to talk to. I told him I was going to get a copy of the messages and he blew up!
He said I would misunderstand what they were talking about and it would ruin our marriage.
I know what I need to do

Yep, she's cheating
by: Anonymous

I hate to say it, but the secrecy and privacy is cheating. Ask her to let you see some of the texts about work and the stress, so that maybe you can understand her feelings better. If she denies this, then she is cheating.

she is a f*cking cheater
by: Anonymous

leave the lying bitch

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