Long story -"I really need some help as I have no one to turn to"

Seven years ago i met a beautiful woman that lives 400 miles from my home. Despite the distance, we began dating.

On our first date so told me she had been having a long affair with a married man. On our second date we went to her company Christmas party.

There i met the owner/boss and he was a complete prick to me. So I pretty knew who she had the affair with.

A couple of months later she went back to him. In July we got back together and she said it was over between them.

She never confirmed the affair was with her boss until after we were engaged 3 years later. We had several talks before we were married about her staying in her town until after her daughter graduated high school.

Moving for me isn't feasible with my business and my daughter. She has worked for this man and his wife for over 20 years and didn't want to quit until my stepdaughter leaves for college.

I'm not really religious but do believe marriage vows are sacred and asked her, how are you going to vow to forsake( to renounce something once cherished to abandon) all others and still work with him every day?

She replied I can't forsake him now but I will. Well the time is getting close and she doesn't want to move or quit her job. I can understand not moving as long as we can spend more time together.

It's really hard to only spend 3 nights a week with your wife, but she has lots of friends and family in her town.

However, I believe her to continue to have a relationship with this man , even if it's not sexual, is wrong! I'm really torn between my love for my wife and my sense of right and wrong, my morality.

For these last few years I have been telling myself I can live with this knowing that it will soon be over.

Now I see no end! My wife has told me she never thought she would be the type of woman that would become an adultress.

I believe that is true and for her to have done it for all those years, to risk her reputation and her livelyhood, she had to really love him.

I just wish she could love me enough to leave him. I really need some help as I have no one to turn to.

Comments for Long story -"I really need some help as I have no one to turn to"

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Don't waste your time
by: Tony

I met a woman and fell in love with her. After a few dates we started sleeping together, and since she was moving to a new flat and I was in temporary accommodation we moved in together. Some months later she unexpectedly came out with a story about how in her twenties (she was thirty-two)she'd fallen in love with a married man (even though she was engaged)and had a long affair with him, went back to her fiancé, broke up with him, moved to where the married man lived, and hung around on the fringes of his life until finally her job took her elsewhere. She said this man was her ideal man in looks (he looked nothing like me) and she thought she was maybe still in love with him, and did this make a difference to us. When I said "Of course it does," she was outraged. So having really destroyed the whole foundation of our relationship by showing she had no real respect for marriage or for her own relationships, she proceeded to get very angry when I told her I wouldn't marry her or ever have children with her. Right, so that was her mistake. Then came mine. I tried to break up with her frequently, but she was always so devastated that I always relented and let her stay. Bloody stupid. AS I found out afterwards most of our friends tolerated us because of me, but found her very hard going. After seventeen years I finally got rid of her, then quite soon met a fantastic woman whom I married and we're still happy together almost fifteen years later. But I could kick myself for staying with the other dimwit for so long.
Not an attitude as a wife
by: Anonymous

That's totally not an attitude as a wife.
And your regrettable decision is a past thing already.
So you need to do list up your own wants and wishes of future, now.
If she do not agree or follow many things of that list, she is not your wife, you can not live with her.
Shouldn't have done it in the first place.
by: Anonymous

When she told you she was already having an affair with someone, you shouldn't even have started a relationship with her.
She's cheating
by: Anonymous

Move on , hold on tight, it's not easy but it will be worth - she's truly unavailable
Huh?
by: Anonymous

You knew what she was when you first met her and she told you she was having sex with a married man! She was, and is an adulteress by definition!

"Now I see no end! My wife has told me she never thought she would be the type of woman that would become an adultress."

What are you smoking over there? She does not have ANY moral values. They only thing she cares about is herself. To some degree self interest is good, at the point where it goes from good to destructive there is the problem. Her lust was destructive of another person's marriage. Now it is destructive of yours. Get out now.
Cheating - "You sir, are in denial"
by: Anonymous

Yes, I think she is still banging her boss. She could have offered to quit her job and work somewhere else until you could be together full time. What is she giving up? Nothing! I think you need to wake up, too. Sad how gullible people are. You sir, are in denial.
let it go
by: Anonymous

Situations like this go on everyday. Sad but so true. Your wife has an emotional attachment to a man who has her right where she fits. He is her boss, which in turn works for the both of them. If it has been going on this long and she does not have the strength or will power to leave him, then she never will. She is comfy being the side check. you should just move on and find someone who values your worth because it's obvious that she does not
Hmm
by: Anonymous

The problem is this is her job and it's tough to walk away from it hastily. Doubt will obviously arise when in the presence of an "ex" lover. I'd personally wouldn't put up with it. I love myself too much to be treated like I'm second or third best so I would command respect and integrity from my partner. I simply can't live under constant suspicion. That's no way to live. Remember you can forgive but you will never forget and tolerating certain behaviors will only fuel a cheater's infidelity.
Trust your instinct...
by: Anonymous

Move forward... she is a cheater and will always be too week to not cheat. She has been doing it for years. Sorry ;-(

Lala Lovewine
NEVER mess with a married person
by: Anonymous

I too feel in love with a woman who i could never call my own, she was dating another man and would not leave him unless I married her. I wanted her to break it off and then get married. She married him and soon had a child, I was called in for paternity testing because her hubby said it was not his child, it was his. I finally found someone and settled down and got married, 5 years into my marriage old girlfriend called me, we both cheated on our spouses. My marriage ended 8 years later, old girlfriend stayed married. I remarried a year later to old friend, she passed away a year ago, old girlfriend came looking for me, want to be with me, it's tempting but she is damaged goods still with controlling sob. She wont leave him unless I let her move into my home promise to take care of her. I got my running shoes on and took off NEVER mess around with a married person they will never leave spouse
YES
by: Anonymous

Yes it is. That girl must be a piece of work! Sorry but you should move on.
they are friends
by: long story

No she doesn't know and she is a very nice and sweet lady. My wife and her work together on a daily basis, in fact they are good friends.

This I really don't understand. My wife says she feels bad about it but isn't that the ultimate betrayal ? To have been having sex with your good friends husband for all those years.
Does she know ?
by: Anonymous

What a struggle this must be for you. It's nice to see a man with a good heart and good values but looks like you are being taken advantage of. You said she works for him and his wife, does his wife about their affair?
WAKE UP - "She's still banging her boss"
by: Anonymous

Sorry but you need to wake up. She's still banging her boss

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