by Sandra Corcoran
(Big bend, WI, USA)
My husband is in an emotional relationship with another man
My husband starting witholding sex in the marriage shortly after the i do's. I married him in his early 40's and he had never been in a long term relationship.
His first sexual experience was in high school with a woman who shares the first name that i do.
It ended badly as she laughed at his performance and did not want to see him again. I didn't think to much about this story he told me until i noticed how he would withold sex.
He likes to have sex once a month at best and then he masturbates a couple times a week. I used to ask him for more sex as i thought it would be healthier to do it at least once a week.
He even started to keep a calendar to say oh look we had sex to weeks ago. Then he would tell me that he did not want to have sex because i yelled at him.
This was very frustrating and demeaning to me. Now, as I see these and other behaviors I feel he was manipulating me and he derived satisfaction from my loneliness.
Recently I found out he has been in an intense emotional relationship with a man at work. I specify intense by saying that they call each other 3 or more times in a day.
Whenever I questioned this friendship or asked to get together with my husband Kevin, the man Dave and his wife-my husband didn't like the idea.
He lied about the amount of phone calls and I also found out that he has started going places with Dave without telling me.
I checked his phone bill and became sickenly alarmed. They call each other 3 or more times a day and hold at least one longer conversation for 20-35 min.s.
They both work at UPS and they have the freedom to call when they are driving the semi's. MY husband has really slowed up calling me, so i call him and he usually seems happy to hear from me.
I looked into the archive phone bill and i was able to go back one year. My husband a year ago was conversing 3x a day with him. My husband would call him and talk for 45 min.'s.
In April of 2009 they were calling each other several times a day, and I noticed when my husband initiated the call sometimes the conversation would be 35 min.s, 45 min.s even up to 60 min.s.
Mind you, I had no idea that he was in this intense of a relationship. If they were talking that much a year ago when did this start getting so intense and why didn't I see it.
Kevin has been in a undisclosed, very intense relationship for who knows the exact year it started. I must not know him.
When questioned, he claims they only talk about work. In the course of a recent argument he stated that he confides in Dave about are marital problems.
That is the typical married man pick up line.The truth is our marriage problems are rooted in this secretive, wife bashing relationship he has developed with Dave and Kevin's negative attitude toward women.
We started going to marriage counseling but after a few times he didn't want to continue. At the time i thought maybe he thought our marriage was strong enough to make it through this rough spell. Now i think he didn't want to have deeper, more probing questions asked.
I feel deceived and if they are not in a sexual relationship now I'm sure it won't be long because they are unnaturally close to each other.
I feel that my husband has been cold and cruel to me while he enjoyed talking smack behind my back with this male co-worker.
Any words of advice? Sandra Lee
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