Not my wife....right?
A little back story:
We've been married over 22 years and lived together more than two years before that. In total we've been together 25 years. When we met I'd just turned 25 the month before and she turned 22 three months later. At first, our relationship was very good. We had a lot in common, enjoyed doing things together and could talk for hours. She was, without a doubt, the nicest woman, person, I'd ever met (and I still feel this way.). I was her first (K-12 Catholic education), I'd been with five or six women. Two were fairly long term, one just about a year, the other almost two, one was a one night stand.
As with pretty much all relationships, our's cooled as the years went by and the kids (3) came along. But I thought we were drifting too far apart. We almost never went out, she was either too tired or not interested in what I suggested, and if we did it was a quick dinner and/or a movie. Rarely, never, actually, did we ever go out for a drink, as she's never been much of a drinker. Until 2006, the last vacation just the two of us took was in 1988. And our physical relationship deteriorated to the point that I no longer thought of it as making love, we, she in particular (she has since admitted) were pretty much just going through the motions.
It started about two years ago with her sudden change in the way she dressed. She was a casual khaki slacks and pullover top kind of dresser in our first 23 years together. Suddenly, she was wearing nice, coordinated three piece outfits with much fancier footwear (knee length high heeled boots in the winter) to work. She went from baggy white cotton grandma type panties and white, non-descript clasp in the back bras to form fitting, high riding, lacy black panties and front clasp bra sets. And our already strained relationship stayed right where it was. About the same time she started to help out my son's little league team by keeping the score book, eventually becoming a league board member and then the president of the league (baseball was one of the things we have in common, she adores the game, I still play. same with football. she's in a fantasy league and has won the college bowl pool the last two years. She watches more football than I do.) There was a common thread in there, though: the coach of the team was also a fellow board member and fantasy league team "owner". She also started going out for drinks after the games with other coaches and after board meetings with some of the other members, sometimes staying until closing time (1:00 am). She said it was a group thing, and I really had no reason to doubt her, although she was still too tired to make time for me. Then, last summer, something happened that changed my mind. We'd had an enormous cell phone bill and I'd gone to our provider's web page to see what was going on. As I'd thought, our oldest son went way, way, waaaay over on his texting allowance. But that wasn't the only thing; my wife had used 1100 minutes that month. Our plan only allows us 700 free shared minutes between the five of us. So I looked at her call details.........What I saw floored me; over forty calls back and forth from the coach and fellow board member. Most were as she was driving to or from work, but many were later in the evening after she'd "gone to bed". These were 30 to 45 minute calls, she made some, he made some. In total there was over four hours of airtime usage in 30 days. (To be fair, there were a number were one minute calls, obviously messages.) I went back a few months and could see that this wasn't the first time there were a lot of calls back and forth. But what really knocked my for a loop was that when she was out of town for a training session for work and a family trip back home (I know these to be true as I know the woman at her work she went with and she took two of our kids back to our home town.) was that she spent more minutes in calls to coach than to our home number. Again, both placed calls.
(Oh, I forgot about a call I received last year. I answered the phone and it was from a hotel chain offering me, since I was such a good customer, a discounted three night stay with there fine establishment. Not remembering ever staying at that chain I asked if they had the right person. Phone number and address were ours. Ooookaaay, when did we stay at your hotel? Just one day, August 15, was the reply. I know I wasn't staying at any hotel, let alone that chain, on that date. And this particular hotel was about a mile from where she worked. Her story was plausible, though; her birthday is the 16 and, since I work from home, she just wanted to spend some "me time" away from everything. She'd done it more than once. Although it was news to me I understood, and accepted, her reasoning.)
Anyway, back the the cell phone story: I asked her about all these calls and what they had to talk about for so much time. She said they either talked about kid baseball (his son went on to play on the elite travel team while our son played in the recreational league.) or had "shallow" conversations. Riiight. >Light bulb slowly getting brighter, gears meshing.< (Oh, I forgot, there were times when now former-coach would show up at my son's baseball games, in which my wife was keeping the scorebook, after telling his wife he was going to Home Depot (his words), and spending an hour or more standing on the other side of the chain link fence in conversation with my wife.) (oh, oh, AND he also plays on MY baseball team! guess who keeps OUR scorebook?) The next month was like the previous months and we got into it a bit heavier. She promised to cut back on the calls. Fine, and I didn't ask her to stop calling completely. A few days later she calls from work and says that, as we try and work things out, there will be NO relations whatsoever. This official stance lasts about a week, then, on our anniversary, she calls and says she's been rash, that sex is no longer off the table. We go out that night for a nice dinner. We come home, she kisses me goodnight and goes to bed....alone. WTF? When asked about the timing she said that just because she put it back on the table didn't mean we'd "do it" that night. Whatever. (We did start again about a week later. I think she was more horny than anything else.) I digress...The next month we were discussing something else when the cell phone subject came up again. I'd not looked at the details, since she said she wasn't going to call as much, but when I asked if I could look, she said, "go ahead, you probably already have." And, like an idiot, I went and looked. Only about eight to ten calls......wait a minute, why are there over fifty calls with her sister (As ID'ed by her sister's contact listing name). We can change the listing name to the phone number on the online bill, so I did. Guess what? Over forty calls back and forth. To be fair, the minutes were down, but what got me this time was that she had changed four of his five numbers (yes, you read that right, between home, work and cell numbers he has five phone numbers that he uses.) she changed the contact list name from his to her sister's. In other words, she tried to hide the calls. I bring this up and the stuff hits the fan. I'm spying on her, I don't trust her, she's had enough, from now on we can live in the same house but we're just roommates. Even though me thinks she doth protest too much, I capitulate and I (yes,I)end up apologizing and talk us back together (isn't love strange?).
To make an already long story shorter, after some veeeery tense times we are still together (she ended up telling me she was sorry IF she hurt me. IF???), took a previously planned vacation together, did a lot of talking and soul searching, and are probably stronger than we have been in the last 18 years.
Yet still I wonder......