Up to 2 months ago I believed that I’m the luckiest person in the world. I had a loving, beautiful wife, a 5 year old son whom I love more than my life, an interesting job where I didn’t have to work much and fairly good salary which allowed us a comfortable life style.
Our sex life was great although not very frequent and I thought that it was almost always on my initiative.
She would often tell me that we had a very harmonious marriage and that I was her best friend and the only person in the world that can understand her.
Big problem was that she would sleep very late every morning together with our son so that meant that he was ready to go bed about midnight every day so practically we had no time for ourselves.
Then suddenly things changed – my wife told me she doesn’t love me anymore and offered to be just friends.
I was under shock. She informed me that she changed behavior and will act like me i.e. distant and uncaring. I tried several times to smooth up things believing that this must be due to PMS and it will simply pass away.
Then I started noticing things like her cell phone was always next to her, she started spending a lot of time in front of the computer and would shut it down every time I entered the room but I just couldn’t believe there is anything wrong and I attributed it to her state of mind.
About a month ago under the pretext that her mother needs help renovating her house she moved there, distant about 2 hours drive. We would talk daily several times on the phone mainly about our son.
I visited every weekend and things remained unchanged. I once offered apology for anything I did wrong just to mend the situation but that didn’t help.
Then suddenly the next day I left after the end of the weekend she called me to say that due to works at the house she needs to return home.
I drove there and brought them back. I noticed immediately a change of atmosphere for the better. That evening for the first time after a long period she sat next to me and we had an amazingly passionate kissing and ended making incredible love in the bathroom and repeated the same thing the next morning.
I was ecstatic. I thought that the whole thing done by her to punish me for my “uncaring.” She confirmed it.
She also told me that due to our moving to another country she’s start going out with her friends for the next five days. I had no problem with that.
Then disaster struck. While she was out with her “friends” I found on the computer a several months correspondence with a rock musician from another country.
The messages were extremely passionate, things like “wanna f**k now”, “I’d love to keep my head between your legs” and becoming his Mrs., even jealousy attacks as to why we had sex several months ago.
I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. Next morning I tried to have sex just to see her reaction – she refused.
I then told her I suspect she has a boyfriend and she laughed at me that I’m out of my mind. At work I checked her cell phone records and noticed many international calls as well as about 10 calls a day to a number I didn’t recognize.
That evening I asked her about the calls and she again lied and told me they were to a cousin who had problems and the local ones to the friends she is seeing daily.
After she went out again I decided to confront her when she returned because I realized I cannot take it anymore. By that time I was taking sedatives several times a day.
When she came I confronted her. She didn’t deny anything but told me the whole affair was platonic. I just couldn’t believe it so I even called her boyfriend in front of her.
I probably misstated the question because he confirmed there was no sex. The next day he called me to apologize and say that he understands my predicament since he had a similar experience, that there is a child involved and that he’d and the affair the same day.
That day I counted 10 phone calls from my wife’s phone to his. Several days have passed and every time my wife goes out or gets a phone call I suspect it might be him.
She continues with her story that the relationship was platonic and she doesn’t feel guilty or feels any remorse.
I love her very much despite everything and will do anything to continue our marriage for the sake of our son if not for anything else.
Unfortunately I don’t have anybody to talk to and feel a need to express my feelings so that’s why I’m here. I do talk to my wife almost daily about the whole thing but regularly we end up on our positions:
She blames me and I cannot comprehend that such a thing can happen. I feel a great desire for sex, feeling that it might heal our relationship rapidly but she is not very receptive, usually using excuses like “she’s sleepy,” “her tummy hurts” etc.
Obviously, due to the fact that our son goes to sleep around midnight we don’t have our “own” time.
I’d like also to present my wife’s side of the story so I’ll try to do my best since she refuses to write it herself.
Her version of the story is that I was not available to talk to her very often, that she was bored, that we didn’t go out on the town, that I didn’t helped her with the childcare or housework, didn’t brush my teeth often (smelly breath as a result), I refused to floss, that I had a big belly that hindered our sex, I didn’t help her in her endeavors, I didn’t support her during her father’s death, I didn’t comfort her during her miscarriage, didn’t converse to her friends and family, didn’t give money to our son when we sold our apartment and that I agreed to pay a special assessment for the condo.
Also, with the birth of our son her artistic creativity was oppressed because I didn’t support her sufficiently.
I also accused her of not supporting me when I attempted to go on a diet. She expected me to lose weight by myself. She always wanted me to lose weight so we can sleep together which now we can’t due to my snoring.
To keep the story balanced I have to give some additional explanation: when we sold the condo the bank automatically took funds which I owed to back child support from a previous marriage.
So here I’m writing all this trying to survive day by day, relying on sedatives and alcohol, trying to relieve my trauma.
Please, I would love to hear from others.
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